What follows is, amongst many other things, parody. Poor parody, I admit, but parody all the same. It is certainly not to be taken seriously and is most definitely not, in any way, funny. People with thin skins should not read on...


I've been reading through the amateur spin posted here over the years and was bored at some of the ‘same old’ content.

Just to share something which didn’t happen with you: someone didn’t contact me the other day to say he had just started watching Sale Sharks play and had been to a few games – I mean, why would he? The made up person liked the website and social media and asked me if there was a ‘forum’ where supporters could chat about everything Sale Sharks, because apparently this otherwise computer-literate figment of my imagination had never heard of Google. In times gone by I would have been helpful, if it suited, and directed them here without the blink of an eye (thankfully my conjunctivitis has cleared up)……However would you encourage a non-existent fan to come on here with some of the recent posts to look through? It would be like Theresa May actually meeting real voters.

I applaud the people who have volunteered to act as moderators and take pressure off the Captain. It must be, I believe a thankless task and I would think it’s quite time-consuming too, although not as time-consuming as my own job where I have to pretend to be at my desk by 6am every day just to keep the new owners happy (more of them later).

As the late, great John Hurt once said, I am a human being, yes, but am also a SUPPORTER of the Sale Sharks franchise and have been longer than anybody on here (apart from iBozz, obviously) which makes my opinion much more important than anybody else’s – especially as I can imply I know stuff that you lot don’t. Did I mention that last June the franchise got new owners? It is signing some exciting new players to add to the players who have committed long term to the club. The Academy reached the final for the FIRST TIME EVER and we have a production line of talent coming through which compares to the Mallinder/Diamond era of 2001-2004, just before they left and the whole thing went to pot. To be fair, the next bloke in did buy us the title (what salary cap?) so we were all happy…just like the regular posters on this board.

Many fans (non-family and non-platinum customers, mostly) have committed to renewing season tickets and many have become new subscribers too, to BTSport.

Whilst this board has never been afraid to speak out, regardless of how often posters have been threatened with legal action for daring to criticize the franchise, it has sadly become a board where many have stopped posting, due to be intimidated by threats of legal action, probably, and several people are using it as a clay oven in which to cook their naan breads.

The new owners (thought I’d better mention them again in case you missed it the first couple of times) took over in June 2016 (nearly a year ago – yes, bet you missed that one as well) and hit the floor (the bit that covers the ground) running, I am sure you will agree with the signings made already that the recruitment shows commitment to bring great corporate events and end of season dinners (plus the odd free pie & pint) as well as some great players to blend in with the home produced players. This is exciting, dammit. The old days of ‘you have never had it so good' have gone and the old ways of ‘you have to leave Sale Sharks to get recognised internationally’ have also gone (Foden, Paterson, Miller, Myall, Gaskell, Taylor, Cipriani, Burrell, etc wouldn’t even make the Sale 1st XV nowadays) with Haley, Ant n Dec, James Harrison (whoever he is?), Robbie Dickson, Beaumont and Solomona currently involved with England, I think.

Anyway time to crack open a fizzy one,

Regards,
Dukky


PS Have a great summer

Obviously the title is inspired by a farce, 'Allo, 'Allo, as is the text (allegedly). Are you per chance related to Count Duckula?

The only requirement for membership to this board is a skin like a rhinoceros, a gallows humour, a degree in grammar, coaching and refereeing PHD, the ability to see the good in the awful, know the words to 'Always look on the bright side of life' 'You don't know what you're doing' 'He knocked it on' 'Hey Jude'- AKA Saaauuul, a strong forehead for banging against walls and the ability to fully accept our ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, but most of all a love of all things Sale Sharks without whom life just wouldn't be worth living ,

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Wigan "Home for the Bewildered"

Fully paid up member of the LSSSSC.
"Long Suffering Sale Sharks Supporters Club"

Hang on a minute, who has accused anyone of being a rhinoceros? I certainly haven't and I ran it past a well-known vet this afternoon who agreed so be very careful what you post about me.

Quote:

Dukky
Hang on a minute, who has accused anyone of being a rhinoceros? I certainly haven't and I ran it past a well-known vet this afternoon who agreed so be very careful what you post about me.

Has this got anything to do with you, H's D?

Be careful - the vitnery is the man in the know (my italics - or more accurately the board's) and ,s such, is occasionally useful in sorting out the the truth from the fake news.

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Dis mus be da place

I'd like to think I'm quite good at differentiating truth from complete fiction : however the two posts above are definately still rhino pooh.