Having defeated the Parsley Bugs and having found nothing to do with the stuff save donate it to Mrs T, I've moved on.
Having tonight found that Lidl lettuce keeps for a month past its use-by-date and still tastes like lettuce - if doused in garlic oil - I've set my mind to cacti.
Now apart from Tigger who, of course, liked everything I've not found anyone who eats cacti, but nevertheless I have a horticultural conundrum.
I have a cactus (bought by Her Ladyship some several Christmases ago because it was small, had two eyes pinned on it and it thus "looked cute" - don't blame me!) and I'm having problems.
It's breed is unknown, but it is like one of those single stemmed prickly upright things, as given by Nicholas Lyndhurst to Tessa Peak-Jones in that TV Prank programme.
Only it isn't.
That one would have made any man proud but - how can I put this delicately? I know - mine suffers from Brewer's Droop.
The cactus, I hasten to add.
I soak it in water, I dry it out to near death and yet whatever I do it folds over on itself permanently. Even a stick I've tied it to doesn't really encourage it to, ahem, stand to attention.
Even showing video clips of Kylie seem to make no difference, so what can I do to return it to its former 12" glory?
And how do I cook it!
No matter what you say, or how you say it, someone somewhere will deliberately go out of their way to be offended.
In loving memory of Her Ladyship - d: 29/12/2007.
You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. RiP
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South Stand with The New Birtles Faithful.