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Mike the Taxi
Mike the Taxi (IP Logged)

Injury Updates 23rd Jan
23 January, 2018 21:13
[www.bathchronicle.co.uk] Chronic Updates

 
Bath Hammer
Bath Hammer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 00:10
Same old story. Sean Knight is back but weve lost a Lahiff & Perenise. Surprisingly, I feel, Henry Thomas has been called up by England. The cupboard is almost bare.

 
bathwickboy
bathwickboy (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 09:46
I am naturally concerned when players are injured but find the Anglo-Welsh cup to be a total irrelevance.As long as we put out onto the field 15 blokes in Bath shirts, I couldn't care if we win or lose by 70 points. Although a member, I really cannot be bothered to make the effort to go to these games. If I am feeling desperate for my rugby fix, I will watch Bath-Newcastle on the tv.

 
john fox
johnnyf (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 10:23
Can someone tell Todd that I'm available if he has a spare shirt - at this stage it's put anyone on the pitch who's prepared to give it a go!

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 11:58
Dear Todd
Similar to johnnyf, I am able and willing to don the famous BB&W and would be honoured to do so. I will be going to the ground and if chosen to play, could sell my seat for the game as well. Win win situation.

With so few of your squad left standing and available, apart from including A N Other in your team sheet, you must be absolutely at your wits end to name a side this weekend. I am fully conversant with the laws of the game, can adapt to any game plan (not sure of ours!), can talk to refs and even do media interviews to give you a rest. I am sure a trip to Farleigh would sort out the odd ache and pain, a good massage from one of the lovely masseuses and a decent lunch (only with one glass of good Pomerol or even Malbec) would ensure I am fully fit and prepared to put my body on the line with the rest of the boys. (No M3 playing music needed either, just a good rousing chorus of a suitable song and a few videos of a recent winning team like Leinster or the All Blacks to show us the way.)

I can play anywhere in the back 5 of the scrum, preferably number 8, but as you may have heard, due to age, reduced speed and extra weight, I cannot forfil playing at centre, wing or fullback as in my (very) much younger days.

I feel I could add to the robustness and aggression of the pack, and use some of my street cunning and experience, to give some 'biff' when needed, aka old days, which possibly you remember as well. All sorted after the game with the odd pint or 3 with the opposition afterwards.

All I would require along with the inflated emergency cover match fee, access to the best medical care and free life membership of the club, is a chance to use the Spa, have a new Gieves & Hawkes suit (grey preferably) and a pair of decent brown brogues. (You can keep the fancy light brown Loakes.) I don't need a sponsors car, just the cash for the train fare.

Just call me, ( I don't use am agent for playing matters but will do for my media rights) and we can discuss the package. Free at any time for you or Bruce.

 
MESSAGES->author
hemington (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 12:42
Oh please hir him Todd and give us all some entertainment this weekend!

 
DorsetBoy
Dorset Boy (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 12:57
I think the rec attendance record would be broken if Bathovalballer were to play!
I also anticipate that there would be 29 other players on the pitch trying to smash him to pieces.

 
john fox
johnnyf (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 13:39
Bathovalballer - you are a man after my own heart.
You are prepared to put your body on the line (what's left of it!) for the sake of your club.
Unlike the softies in the first 15 squad who pretend to have injuries rather than go out and face the opposition.
Perhaps we could put out a team of super old (antique even) vets - bet we could show them a thing or two!

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 14:18
BoB

If he doesn't take you up, there'e an under 14s group looking for a game on another thread.

 
ballsout
ballsout (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 14:26
How's your grovelling?

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 14:42
Under 14's? Good god no-far too energetic!! I couldn't bend down that low in the scrum!

Are you sure you didn't mean Under 71's? Much more my cup of tea.

Also only too pleased to be able to fill the Rec, even if I did take a beating!

Don't think all other 29 on the park would be looking to smash me, 14 possibly 22 with the replacements as I might get some support from Newcastle.

Oh must go as the phone is ringing and looks like a Bath number........



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 24/01/2018 14:47 by Bathovalballer.

 
john fox
johnnyf (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 15:51
Watched my grandson training last Sunday at Monmouth RFC (yes I have to admit to having Welsh grandsons!) He's in the u 8's and just starting contact which they were practicing with tackle bags.
Believe you me you can forget U 14's, at the tender age of 8 they are frightening.
But that's rugby - you have to commit to sacrifices - even risking life itself!

Was that Todd on the line BoB or just another nuisance call?

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 17:26
I couldn't possibly say johnnyf! Don't want to give any information away which may be of use to Newcastle and their spies. No announcement until Friday lunchtime in accordance with the competition rules.

Suffice to report I will not have one G & T tonight and only one glass of merlot with my sirloin steak, cheesy mashed potatoes, grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, kale and blackpudding followed by ginger steam sponge and lashings of custard. Back in full training you understand! Not up to the 3 Michelin starred Scrum & Line Out Balls (Slobs) restaurant at Farleigh Spa but best I can do at such short notice.

 
dannyf2
dannyf2 (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 20:05
Quote:
johnnyf
Can someone tell Todd that I'm available if he has a spare shirt - at this stage it's put anyone on the pitch who's prepared to give it a go!

Can I intervene and recommend that you don't dad... I think your playing days are probably over!...

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 20:38
I can confirm that Old Prostates RFC received a phone call this morning, but as negotiations are on-going I can say no more.


We have been trying to contact Malco and avail his services.

To avoid rumour and conjecture I can however confirm the BoB is not currently registered with Old Prostates.

 
B4thB4ck
B4thB4ck (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 21:01
Just out of interest chaps, for those of you of a certain age, what laws have changed since you last played the game?

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 21:57
Scrum caps are worn by full backs.

 
Kidney Stone
Kidney Stone (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
24 January, 2018 22:28
Hey BoB, if you get the call make sure you give Hoops a couple of right handers during warm up just to set the expectations with the other forwards.

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 00:58
No problem Kidney Stone. Probably he wouldn't feel them and anyway I understand he is head supremo during the AW Cup so need to be a little respectful. But if he gets on the pitch or joins in contact training.......

I have been known to land a few and have received my share back. At least with Hoops and his pacifist, non aggressive actions I am in no danger of retribution...... he says hopefully. If all else fails, I will give Dawsey a call and ask for his help in finishing a fight as he always said he never started one, unless it was deserved.

Now Danny Grewcock, Coochie, Rich Lee, Jon Hall, Ronnie Haken, Roger Spurrell, Rob Lye, Radley Wheeler were a little different in there attitude to giving someone a slap and had no compunction in doing so quite regularly if the opposition decided to pinch our ball or got in our way, or bumped us in the lineout. Oh happy days.....

Bath sides and forwards were 'respected' in their days.

Yes I can confirm the Old Prostates club thought I was too soft and didn't wear the right tie and didn't go to the right school. Rough load of b-----s they were! Drank Pale ale and lager as well. No one who is a true rugby man ever drinks lager (knats pee)-its for washing the car!

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 09:00
I regret to announce that the Provisional Wing of Old Prostates RFC met last night and put out a contract on BoB for his recent post.

He will be locked in a hot windowless room and forced to drink 6X until his bowels explode.

Never ever suggest OPs RFC drink lager!

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 09:59
My how things have changed at your club BnGy! Now 6x in copious amounts sounds right up my street. You don't need to bother with a contract, after this period of holding myself in readiness for the club and keeping my fitness levels up by reducing my alcohol intake to a minimum , I will be there. Any chance you could make it Wadsworths Old Timer? Or if no proper beer is available, how about some gin (Bombay Saphire Hendricks or Portobello all good) with Fever Tree Tonic and the odd slice of lime.Feeling parched already and a thirst coming on!

How things have changed as when I was playing 6 pints on a Saturday was the required minimum as well as the odd one or two after training let alone what I had during the week socially. Load of Nancy boys these days. No wonder they suffer so much injury, not enough booze to dull the odd ache and pain. None of this Spa nonsense and massages. Only rub down you got was from the kit man with the cold water wet sponge and a liberal application of Sloan's linament which did the trick. Certainly one had to be careful where the Sloans was applied as it definitely had a warming quality!

The phone has gone mad since making it known I was available again. A very uncouth man from somewhere called the Stoop asked about me wearing a multi coloured shirt for them as they appear to be short as well. Obviously, don't want to be rude, but who in their right mind would ever do such a thing, especially under the walls of HQ? Eddie Jones might see and that would ruin ones chances of representing ones country.

Also some Welshman from Coventry (now I didn't fall for that one as only the great Duckham and Keith Fairbrother come from there) also called with similar problems. Said pull the other one, and look out for young women riding through the streets with very little clothing. He said that's half the problem and Mr Haskell and Dipsitrani had their heads turned elsewhere. Still something to consider as the beer in Midlands is ok ( Banks bitter is available apparently.).

Another man called Bustard I think (slightly deaf in the phone ear due to the odd blow at places like Matson, , Tredworth and Coney Hill and South Wales) called wanting help with aggressive tackling and mauling. Suggested he talk to Mr Dawe who knew a thing or two about slowing people down a putting his fingers in areas where most self respecting men never would. He said his pal Northwick will also want to speak about defensive lineouts and how to drive a maul, clearing bodies out of the way. Told him straight Danny and Deano are his men, with Mr Teague expert for clearance work.

So good to feel of value again, wish I had considered coming out of retirement before.
Now what's the number for Old Prostates RFC?

 
B4thB4ck
B4thB4ck (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 10:28
Very good BoB.

Anyone drinking Old Timer though needs an HIA afterwards.

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 18:46
Well done BoB. From you last post you probably meet the criteria.

The contract is now cancelled and your name will go before the committee. Basic requirement is 6 pints of 6X (Old Timer acceptable) AND a vindaloo.

Next practice is Wed night when we will concentrate on the looping upper cut from the darkness of the second row to the nose of the opposition hooker.

HIA is for softees who still have a brain. Scrum caps are only worn by Exeter wingers. The brain is such a rare asset at Ex that it needs protecting.

 
john fox
johnnyf (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
25 January, 2018 22:45
I've got a suspicion that some of those scrum caps are actually recycled jock straps - just dyed all different colours to hide the stains.

 
Bathovalballer
Bathovalballer (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
26 January, 2018 07:50
Good god, 6X beer and a vindaloo! Now that is s tough sentence especially as I have only once in my sheltered life tried the demon prince of curries and it had catastrophic effects on the workings of my inners and left an intensely painful stinging sensation (worse than Sloane's lineament). I might well have to plead mercy and be allowed to double the amount of beer as a forfeit! What a wimp you cry!

No problem with the old hooker tonker, like to think I was quite good at that. Anyway its often better to target the tight head as that disrupts their scrum much more. He also is likely to blame the loosehead and not trouble me afterwards.

As for those dreadful coloured things worn on the head by many modern players, could well be stained jock straps, never needed such things myself. A bit of elastoplast around the jug handles was all that was needed and a little warm olive oil rubbed in afterwards to remove the cauliflowering of the lugs. A cap like that must restrict all intelligent thinking and most cases is worn to protect the model looks of the pro players for the next photo shoot promoting products from after shave (Brut is for drinking) and hand creams and the like.

I am reliably informed by some guy called Stephen Bones at the Times and his pal Mick Drearly at the Torygraph that a full range of the Farleigh Spa Cosmetic Products and Treatments is about to hit the high street after the spreading fame of the soft skin products produced there. Sounds as if Bath Rugby is really on to a winner there and all players will be appearing in full protective American football style kit so as to protect their delicate skins and good looks. Cosmetic dentistry and teeth whitening with manicures is a condition of their contracts apparently, as is picture painting on their bodies. Not everyone's cup of tea I am reliably informed!

Oh how commercialisation is ruining the modern player with all this head turning spiralling income streams and obviously effects the time and inclination to actually play the game or get wet, cold and dirty. Bodily contact is out for some as well in case of unsightly bruising. Hey ho. In my day a black eye or face cut, stiches even better, often proved to be the talking point when returning to the office on Monday and often elicited attention and concern from Miss Brahms in reception which included offers which I couldn't possibly repeat on this forum.

Great days and upon my coming out of retirement I have found that the modern player is missing out on so much that we enjoyed. Is it progress, not so sure?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 26/01/2018 08:03 by Bathovalballer.

 
Boldangrey
Boldangrey (IP Logged)

Re: Injury Updates 23rd Jan
26 January, 2018 22:00
Ah those were the days, when you served the opposition beer from a plastic 2 gallon water can and fire extinguishers were for after match entertainment not health and safety.


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