D-Day Plus Two - Pirates Victorious!
By Dick Straughan
April 17 2007
At shortly after three bells on Sunday morning the biggest invasion fleet ever seen in Cornish waters sailed quietly from the mists of their home ports heading eastwards to Twickenham. With advance raiding parties strategically embedded and favourable weather the crews were in good cheer.
April 17 2007
At shortly after three bells on Sunday morning the biggest invasion fleet ever seen in Cornish waters sailed quietly from the mists of their home ports heading eastwards to Twickenham. With advance raiding parties strategically embedded and favourable weather the crews were in good cheer.
No resistance was met on the journey to the objective. The Redcoats were nowhere to be seen. Expertly marshalled by Chief Logistics Officer, Cap`n Grenfell, and guided by secret encrypted bulletins from Chief Intelligence Officer Dotcom, the armada was brought together at close range to the shores of the target.
At ten bells precisely the embedded troops rose up and occupied strategically located ale houses. The fleet sailed on and quickly disembarked at the very gates of Twickenham. Pirate sympathisers flung open the door to the great hall of the Invincibles and a stronghold was captured within.
Wave after wave of Pirates poured through the breach in the defences as small isolated groups of Chiefs resistance were forced to flee. The battle hardened ranks of the elite Falmouth Marine Band, crazed to the point of frenzy in the face of battle rallied the troops. Then they marched unopposed into the very heart of the Citadel and single-handedly captured the giant East Stand.
Inspired by this huge act of selfless bravery the Pirates ranks charged to every corner of the Stadium. The occupation quickly underway with just small pockets of Chiefs providing sporadic resistance from their defensive position. The Pirates re-grouped. Pirate Bert produced Penrose the Pasty, an icon entrusted to him by a Shaman from Mansfield, and consulted the signs. Leicester Pirate brought forth a magical silver bag from his under-garments, a bag that never emptied, and poured red wine for every single man jack of a Pirate. The girls from Zelah beseeched the great Sun God for bodily colour, and Lichfield the Wise maintained order in the ranks.
Our crack stromtroopers were summoned from their secret locker room and battle commenced. A massive struggle in the midday sun. They were forced to give ground as the Devonians stood firm and counter-attacked. They fell behind but their was no panic. Grand Master McKay consulted the oracle and sent in reinforcements. "You may rest now, young McAtee, for your Mother says we shall prevail" he was heard to say in fluent Australian - the language of south seas Pirates.
Leicester Pirate had an idea as he spotted Varndell of the Tigers on the horizon. "A trojan horse!" he proclaimed waving his magic bag in the air. "Give Varndell a shirt and he shall play for us! A Varndell Rocket will win the day in but ten minutes!"
There was no need. Our boys prevailed. The Devonian army wilted in the heat and their followers fled. Penrose the Pasty was launched skywards as the battle ended and grown Pirates cried. Grog was called for and Leicester Pirate attempted to fill his entire body with Merlot from his magic sack.
That a tremendous victory was recorded is not in doubt. The Twickenham silver looted and returned to the Duchy. The Pirate fleet has returned home safely. There were no reported losses.
At ten bells precisely the embedded troops rose up and occupied strategically located ale houses. The fleet sailed on and quickly disembarked at the very gates of Twickenham. Pirate sympathisers flung open the door to the great hall of the Invincibles and a stronghold was captured within.
Wave after wave of Pirates poured through the breach in the defences as small isolated groups of Chiefs resistance were forced to flee. The battle hardened ranks of the elite Falmouth Marine Band, crazed to the point of frenzy in the face of battle rallied the troops. Then they marched unopposed into the very heart of the Citadel and single-handedly captured the giant East Stand.
Inspired by this huge act of selfless bravery the Pirates ranks charged to every corner of the Stadium. The occupation quickly underway with just small pockets of Chiefs providing sporadic resistance from their defensive position. The Pirates re-grouped. Pirate Bert produced Penrose the Pasty, an icon entrusted to him by a Shaman from Mansfield, and consulted the signs. Leicester Pirate brought forth a magical silver bag from his under-garments, a bag that never emptied, and poured red wine for every single man jack of a Pirate. The girls from Zelah beseeched the great Sun God for bodily colour, and Lichfield the Wise maintained order in the ranks.
Our crack stromtroopers were summoned from their secret locker room and battle commenced. A massive struggle in the midday sun. They were forced to give ground as the Devonians stood firm and counter-attacked. They fell behind but their was no panic. Grand Master McKay consulted the oracle and sent in reinforcements. "You may rest now, young McAtee, for your Mother says we shall prevail" he was heard to say in fluent Australian - the language of south seas Pirates.
Leicester Pirate had an idea as he spotted Varndell of the Tigers on the horizon. "A trojan horse!" he proclaimed waving his magic bag in the air. "Give Varndell a shirt and he shall play for us! A Varndell Rocket will win the day in but ten minutes!"
There was no need. Our boys prevailed. The Devonian army wilted in the heat and their followers fled. Penrose the Pasty was launched skywards as the battle ended and grown Pirates cried. Grog was called for and Leicester Pirate attempted to fill his entire body with Merlot from his magic sack.
That a tremendous victory was recorded is not in doubt. The Twickenham silver looted and returned to the Duchy. The Pirate fleet has returned home safely. There were no reported losses.
Bookmark or share this story with:
Digg
Delicious
Facebook
Reddit
Stumbleupon