Heineken CupPool 1 Round 4 Benneton Treviso v Northampton Saints

December 19th Treviso KO (delayed) 15:45  CET

I am trying to become a screenwriter.  No pressure on me then...

In the previous episode:  The Saints came back to prevail in a hard fought win at the Gardens.  After trailing at the break, Saints came out strong and fought against the tough Treviso side.  The bonus point win made many people eager for the next episode...

ACT 1:

Fade up:  Exterior - Communale di Monigo - Day.

The Saintly followers had travelled from afar and their journey was near an end.  All had battled the elements to give their hand in helping the Saintly Gladiators defeat the evil Treviso Praetorian Guard.  So much anticipation was there as the battle had been put back by the battlefield officials.  Quick cut to frozen supporters:  Eventually the cheers came as the whistle blew for commencement.  The Saintly Gladiators against the Praetorian Guard.  Insert dramatic music here.

After 3 minutes, The Guard attacked with great reward, in the shape of a penalty.  Commander Goosen, however, missed the potential prize.  Stevenus Mylerus receiving a small bit of attention after a Guard attempted to put him in line.  Maximus Clarko and Joseph the Ansbro combined for some attacking play that the Praetorians had to quickly put to a stop.  Mylerus attempt an ambitious order to Flashio, however it was intercepted by the Guard and countered on.  Commodus Hartley sought some revenge by flattening a Guard, only to be told that it was illegal in such warfare.  Commander Goosen failed with another attempt.  By now, the aerial bombardment from both sides were beginning to tire the Saintly followers although, never silenced as they had matched the Guards in numbers and voice.  Plus tanked up from much pizza slices the previous night.  The cold had seemed to get to the Gladiators as various chances for attack had fallen (or dropped as the case may be) on several attempts.

Fade into:  Goosen attempted a drop goal twenty minutes into the battle but sadly missed again.  Brutus Bestus - scary music - introduced himself to the show with a thumping hit on Piccone shortly afterwards.  The Guard slow to get to his feet afterwards - insert groaning in Italian.  After another Goosen miss, The Guard then put some pressure on the Gladiators resulting in a penalty.  They step up the play level and The Gladiators respond with firm defence only to be let down at the end.  Goosen steps up and takes his chance well.  3-0 Treviso.

After the restart, - close up - Maximus Clarko went on a charge with the help on The Ansbro.  It was a brave mission the men had embarked on and it seemed to be working until Mylerus passed to one of The Guard instead of his own player.  Goosen had another chance go wide shortly after, when another attack by the Guard left the Gladiators tiring in the cold.  The Gladiators did manage to win back the advantage but (not for the first time) The Ansbro failed to keep the white Talisman in his grasp.

Flashio showed his array of skills when kicking to touch later on.  Good Attacking play followed by the Gladiators, with Fodenicus charging to the 5 metre line.  They keep attacking with runs from Flashio and Clarko.  Mylerus cross kicked to find the Son of Dows on the wing.  Slow-mo shot and victorious music.  He plopped down for the try.  The Director may have needed some help from the all seeing eye upstairs but the try was given.  Mylerus converted to give the extras, 7-3 Saints.

FADE OUT:

ACT BREAK.

ACT 2:  Same setting - evening.

FADE UP:  The Saintly followers were back from the half time break of a Pint and a pizza - Close up on pizza crust on the floor - when the Gladiators came out blazing.  Some good attacking moves were capped by a lineout win, passing along the backs with Mylerus throwing long to Fodenicus scything through a gap to dot down in the corner.  Or so the followers thought.  The all seeing eye said otherwise and there was to be no rejoicing - Evil Music.

The Gladiators must have thought the Gods were not on their side as Flashio was clotheslined by Piccone.  Who received a warning and nothing else.  4 minutes into the half, Mylerus put a penalty kick into the 22.  From that, Downey broke through the defence and found Clarko on his shoulder.  An easy run in for the number 13.  Mylerus converted to make it 14-3 Saints.

At this time, Piccone was replaced by Botes who ran the show for the Guard from then on.

An attack led by the defected Maori McLean bouncing of Kruger and a large, cold Tongan.  After a few more phases, McLean put a grubber kick through to see Botes over the line for a try.  Conversion missed by Botes after assuming the kicking responsibilities from Goosen.  14-8 Saints.

On 54 minutes, the Gladiators were caught diving in, and Botes punished them as he put a tricky 43 metre kick over the sticks.  14-11 Saints.  Heroic Italian music (maybe from Super Mario).

Cut to sidelines:  A flurry of replacements then happened as both sides wanted to bring on fresh blood to the battle and tend to the wounded and out of form - Sorrow music and close up on heroic wounded.  Lawes, Mayor, Mujati and Geraghty on for the Saints.  After a period of aerial bombardment again, - sfx: missiles - Geraghty found Flashio on the wing who danced his way through the defence to find the new man Lawes on his shoulder.  Lawes - Death Star music - on for only a few minutes and only one big hit to his name.  Geraghty took the conversion quickly in search of time for a bonus point.  21-11 Saints.

Close up on Angry Italian barking orders:  The Praetorian Guard decided it was about time to put the Gladiators back in their place after the restart and a period of sustained pressure resulted in the ball being held up over the line.  At this point Brutus Bestus thought it wise to take on one of the Guard after possible words had been said (possibly about Bestus' blonde highlights).  This earned him 10 minutes in the bin.  Maybe he wanted to get in the warm, none of us know.  The resulting scrum collapsed and the Director immediately awarded a Penalty try for The Guard.  Conversion funnily enough was easily scored by Botes.  21-18 Saints.  Close up on nervous Saints supporters and quick shots to show determination on Italians.

Some nervous minutes followed as the Gladiators fought for that bonus point but kept forgetting how to catch the ball and which side they were playing for.  Obviously frostbite had started to set in.  They tried to no avail as they lost the ball close to the line as the clock drew out.  Treviso played the advantage to get up to halfway until the Director realised his kettle had boiled and it was time for everyone to call it a day and go back to the cosy indoors.  Triumphant Wendy music.  Close on Saints players applauding fans, fans applauding back and collectively breathing huge sigh of relief.

FINAL SCORE 21-18 SAINTS.

FADE OUT:

It must be said by everyone who made it out here that the effort that the Production staff to make this picture film-able was beyond belief.  Plus the spirit of Treviso themselves.  We knew we were in for a good time when the announcer said we should keep quiet during kicks to adhere to the spirit of rugby.

So as we defrost slowly on the way back home we ponder some very important questions:  Can we qualify for the quarter finals?  Can they remember how to catch a Rugby ball and keep it in time for Wuss and Oirish?  And who won Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday?

View a Printer Friendly version of this Story.

Bookmark or share this story with:

• Digg
• Delicious
• Facebook
• Reddit
• Stumbleupon