Well, as the 2007 Rugby World Cup draws to a close what can we say? Did we really expect England to reach the final? Would we have expected their opponents to be South Africa, who only recently trounced us 36-0? Hmm, come on, hand on heart? Nah, not a chance. The sales of England rugby shirts compared to England football shirts has been 2 to 1 of late as people climb on the ‘rugby fever bandwagon’. Saint Jonny is on the front and back of every paper. How many will care after, should defeat be the final result? How many will berate Saint Jonny should the Holy Boot fail? Cynical? You bet!

The little yellow cup sits in the Stade de France. The players warm up on the pitch and it’s mere minutes now until the kick off. Four years ago I watched England beat the Aussies - I was sitting on the lounge floor wrapping parcels and the poor roll of brown paper was whacked against the telly on more than one occasion, I can tell you!

Tonight’s game sees two current and one former Sale Sharks player in Paris this evening, with Quates joining Sherri and Robbo. If only our Charlie could be there… but he’s back with us and played a blinder last night against Sarries. The belief has built up in the players and for a certain player, his final game could be the biggest game of his career. Robbo is ready.

An unusual request prior to the final. Apparently someone noticed that during ad breaks when England played, they showed the Cadbury’s advert where the gorilla plays Phil Collins‘ drum solo… and England won each game. Tonight they showed a new, longer version of it. A glass and a half, I hope so!

The players take to the field and as they do so pass by the little yellow cup, awaiting its new owners, or maybe a return to England. Well, the national anthems have been played and the pitch is being cleared in readiness. Jonny prepares to kick off the game and we’re away. Forty five seconds in and it’s a scrum to England. They put the Saffers under pressure but nothing comes of it. Big Ted looks awesome, powering Corry into the oncoming opponents. Following a slip by Tait and then a ping for not releasing, Percy gets his first chance at three points and takes it, taking him to 96 points so far in this World Cup. Apparently Brian Ashton sent out for good length studs as lots of players were slipping over, maybe he should get a refund on Tait’s.

Things are going SA’s way so far, with almost 10 minutes gone. Mike Catt is at his fourth RWC, aged 36 and he’s still trying to give the Saffers the run-around. England need to get the lineout sorted. A penalty to England, what will the decision be? Jonny is going for the sticks. Will this be the first three points on the board for England? YES! He just shaved the inside of the post but three points is three points. A stupid trip spotted by Alain Colm Pierre Rolland sees a pointless penalty given away which Percy happily converts into three points. Gordon Brown and Princes William and Harry watch on… it’s not what you know… Bet they didn’t pay up to £3,000 a ticket.

The kicking strategy is good but not quite hitting the mark as of yet. From a scrum the ball goes up field to Robbo, but there’s not a lot he can do with it. A good bit of movement sees the ball with Corry out wide but the pass goes into touch. There’s another penalty for SA following Ben Kay pushing Phil Vickery across the ruck. Steyn steps up and … misses! Any more pointless penalties given away and I’ll start to think we’re watching Sale. SA are on the march and putting England under pressure in their own half. Holding on by SA sees a penalty to England. A better lineout and the lads are pushing the ball up the field. Bernard Laporte looks on with a face like a fiddle. Clock off at 24:39 as Vickery gets ice to the neck. Back on and England are off again. Lots of kicking but not much of anything else. England really have to keep SA under pressure without getting frustrated. They aren’t afraid of SA, but need to settle down.

Mike Catt aims one of his wonder strikes towards touch and finds it. A lineout in the 22 and SA have the ball back but not for long and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing Catt launches another one into touch. Thirty minutes down and it’s ENG 3- 6 RSA. Moody is down and play continues around him. Percy is also limping (oh dear!). After a bit of grimacing from ‘Titanium Man’ Moody (by Stuart Barnes!) he’s up and play continues. The Albarino flows into your author’s glass as SA head frighteningly quickly towards England’s line. Come ON England!!! The ball goes forward and there are cheers of relief. Percy is down with 4 minutes to go having his knee strapped up (once more, oh dear). England have the scrum just five metres from their line and need to get a grip fairly pronto. Crouch.. Touch.. HANG ON! I didn’t get to say PAUSE! Rolland restarts is and it’s a turnover for SA. Inches from the line now SA push towards the line. Over and over again England are determined to kill it and it’s a penalty to SA due to repeated offending. Don’t ask me what for, I’m typing, drinking and trying to watch at the same time. Percy Pegleg gets three and it’s England 3 South Africa 9 at half time.

Matty ‘the Gambler’ Stevens is on for Vickery and the second half kicks off. Excitement! There’s a man on the pitch with a red and yellow striped jumper on and play continues. Jimmy Jumper is carried bodily and horizontally from the pitch. Play restarts and England are off like rabbits! Tait is away and almost reaches the try line… back out and across and the ball is grounded by our very own Mark Cueto. But is it a try? The TMO spends a lifetime checking and… Price William stands hands clutched together… the ball was in touch. Quates, and every England fan both en Paris and at home are in utter disbelief. More wine please! Jonny has the kick and it’s three points to England but it really should have been more. England’s dander is up and SA had better watch out. What does TMO stand for? The Magoo Option? I don’t know. 42 minutes gone and it’s 6-9 to SA.

SA put England under pressure and Quates does well. A different camera angle shows Robbo looking creased in agony . It does NOT look good for our Robbo. He goes off to a standing ovation but looks heartbroken. Hipkiss comes on. Come on England, Robbo came back from retirement and did it for you, so do it for him. The crowd are behind England now and England need to get out of their 22. Keep your heads up lads, we can do these lot. Another penalty (given away by Corry) and Percy steps up to take it. Cobblers, England 6 RSA 12. Flood on for Catt. Habana is flung to the floor and into touch as SA dominate the half so far. Running in front by a SA player sees England back in possession of the ball. Sheridan has the ball and forges through the SA’s and he has back up. A scrum to England in the SA half and it’s out and moving across the field. A drop and it’s a knock on. England are trying things but they aren’t quite coming to fruition. Big Ted receives treatment and a tousle of the hair and he’s back in the fray. So far England have won 13 lineouts but lost 4. The pack are surging up the field with Flood chasing after the ball behind Percy who decides he’s going to try the hurdles instead and tries to leap over the hoardings and a large tv camera following a little shove from Flood. A block leads to another penalty for SA and Steyn steps up to take it. Another 3 to SA - 15-6 to SA.

Chuter on for Regan and Worsley on for Moody. Sackey has the ball and tries to weave his way up the field. England have to challenge the line and Sheridan powers through. England are now in SA’s 22 and the ball is turned over and Steyn finds touch. Is the little yellow cup slipping away? A roar from the crowd sees Easter come off and be replaced by Dayglo the Gladiator. 65 minutes gone, 15 left. The pulses race. The ball is punted up field and Quates takes out Percy, and then England are blocked but no-one sees it… apart from about 15,000 in the stadium and everyone at home. Quates heads off with a chip and chase and is blocked by an errant Smit. Jonny finds touch with a divine kick and England lose the ensuing lineout. More sighs of frustration around the country. Tait tries again with just 10 minutes left but the ball is quickly back with SA. Time off as Big Ted gets his head bandaged. World’s biggest Mr Bump. Worsley goes off and Richards comes on. Jonny tries a long drop goal but it’s very short of the mark. Smit goes off for stitching with both eyelids split. England have eight and a half minutes and need to keep going and have a go at the Saffers. Man of the Match goes to a SA player but England’s best player has been young Tait. Quates has been a star too. England need to stay in SA’s 22 as they (SA) seem hell-bent on defending. Last five minutes and England REALLY need to pull something out of the bag. Seven points would be good. England are starting to look tired and SA get another penalty. SA’s defence combined with their lineout has been the foundation of their game this evening and they get another three points on the board. SA 15 ENG 6. Two and a half minutes left until the end of the game and the telly getting turned off. SA will now stick the ball up their jumper and run the clock down. But wait! England have a scrum. A minute and a half left. Even if England could score a try now there still wouldn’t be time left. An England knock-on and that’s pretty much it. SA are world champions and take the little yellow cup away. Brian Ashton stands in a circle of his players. What does he say? What can he say to a squad of heartbroken lads to make everything better? They stand silently, awaiting the presentation of the little yellow cup. Robbo has his right arm in a sling. Sadness overwhelms me.

Did we leave it too late? Were the early games too much for us? What if Quates’ try had been given? What if Robbo hadn’t come back to play for England? What if?

So many what if’s. It hurts. The players hurt, both physically and mentally. We hurt, mentally and in many cases in Paris, financially. But when we get down to it rugby is a game. It makes you leap with joy, scream with frustration and weep with sadness. That’s why we love it. I’m off to the pub. See you in four years.

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