Although away and overseas, based on the tales regaled and recounted by the likes of Buelligan, Roger, Dan, Cheadlender, Pi55ed, RosieSS mum, Tigger ex- Raf et al, my trip to Biarritz was mere foreplay.

Knowing that my circumstances would change in October last year, I promised myself that this season I would break my Heineken virginity and go for the full experience. When the draw was made I was spoilt for choice – France or Ireland, in my mind though was the Limerick experience, all those tales I’d heard before meant that there was only really one destination for me. So on 13th Jul 2008 I booked a room at Jury’s, gave Mr O’Leary my cash and booked four days annual leave. Come to think of it I can’t remember ever booking a holiday 6 months ahead – another new experience for me.

So then came the months of what ifs. What if the match is scheduled for the Friday night – my flight was leaving Manchester at 8-45pm on the Friday. “If it is on the Friday I’ll drive and get the ferry over,” said a friend. Well that’s a plan B - that reassured me. Tickets? Thanks to the threads on the message board I had obtained the promise of a ticket. So nothing more to worry about – hotel, flights, tickets and a plan B – Sorted!!  The posts on the message boards – “Munster never play on a Friday”, “Be warned the dates won’t be announced until after the 4th round of fixtures” “I know a friend of a friend who knows for definite that the game will be on the Saturday” Throughout all of this I remained calm after all I had a plan B.

So the start of the new season. Munster narrowly winning their first home match, played on a Friday night. Sale winning in France. More posts on message boards: “Limerick grid locked on Friday no way will any more matches be played on a Friday night the Garda won’t allow it”. No problem I have plan B. The home match against Munster, what a great bunch of supporters, Magners and beer exchanged, acquaintances renewed for some, made for others. “You’ll be coming to Limerick then?” of course I will - I’ve even got a plan B. Now I know that there are large families in Ireland but there were a lot of relatives of the owners of Dolan’s and Clohessey’s. “Just tell them you’re a mate of mine that you met in Stockport and they’ll see you right” OK thanks and what’s your name? “Paddy”

So the round four fixtures are played. Now it’s down to Mr Murdoch. Squeaky bum time as the Old Trafford one says. Munster vs. Sale Friday 16th January. B****cks but hey ho no problem I have plan B!   Sorted!

“Can’t get the time off work so not going”.  B****cks plan B down the proverbial swanny. Ah well lets see what Mr O’Leary can offer. That’ll be £180 to change your ticket, to fly from Liverpool or into Dublin? Certainly, no problem cross my palm with silver. B****cks to that mate. But wait! A car going to Stanstead! And a reasonable price ticket, Mr O’Leary didn’t see that one coming! However another false dawn – car full. B****cks!

So that was that I was to remain a virgin for another year, would I ever get the opportunity to experience the pleasures of a Heineken away match? Then great news – “I can have the day off work are you interested in sharing the cost of the car trip?” You bet! Yo there is a god! Bring it on as the yuff of today say.

So to “the trip”. Ferry from Holyhead at 2-40 am Friday morning. That left me enough time to go to work on the Thursday - Noon till 8-00pm, which in turn left me enough time to lose my car in the morning (see thread entitled O/T smile). My driver was taking one of the company cars. Which one I wonder? Why was it a concern? Was it because I’d read about ex-Raf’s experience in the back of a car on a Heineken trip? No. My driver is a funeral director. Would I be lying down or sitting up? “Don’t worry I’m taking the people carrier” Yes but horizontal or vertical people?

At the appointed hour (11-00pm) a Ford Galaxy arrived, phew. So an uneventful trip along the M56 and A55 and we’re in Holyhead in plenty of time.

What does that illuminated sign say? Wind from the South West, force 6, heavy swell. Hmmm could be an eventful 3 hours 20 minutes.

On board Ulysses (that’s the ferry not Steptoe’s horse – whose name was Hercules anyway) the captain’s announcement was reassuring. “We’re expecting strong winds from the south west, force 6 and a bit of a swell – don’t worry we’ll use our stabilizers to smooth things out a bit” Stabilizers! Last time I saw them they were on my son’s bike and they didn’t stop him from falling over!

Only one thing for it then – two pints of Heineken please (the driver wasn’t drinking, he went for a sleep– there was another person in the car). “Euros or pounds?” Pounds of course, “£8 please”.  So one became two, the driver arose from his slumbers and joined in (with Lucozade) and two rapidly became some more. And what of the wind and the might of the Irish Sea? Were the airsickness bags needed? (Yes I know we were on a boat but it was Irish Ferries and the bags really did have “air sickness bag” printed on them). No. We never felt a thing – those of you who were flying would have felt more motion then we matelots did. But my “Statto” did tell me that the Ulysses is the largest car ferry in the world – designed specifically to sail in any weather that the Irish Sea can mu(n)ster.

So at 6-00am we’re in Dublin. We’ll stop somewhere en-route for breakfast, Sat Nav programmed for Dolan’s in Limerick. Scrooge didn’t want to pay 4 euros to use the toll road so he ignored the instructions and entered the car park to a large office block. I went to sleep.

“We’re 30 miles from Dolan’s, we’ll stop there for breakfast” was my next recollection.

Limerick in the rush hour? Take you hours to get through the soothsayers were saying. Not in our people carrier, 8-30am and we’re in the car park behind Jury’s. Check into room – No I didn’t cancel the reservation, just changed it to a one night stand, but for 3 people. “Sorry sir fully booked that night only room for 2” said the Spanish lady in central reservations.

So entered the room to find a large double and a large single bed. The brothers shared the double (it’s a bloke thing – doesn’t mean anything) and I had my single.

Off to Dolan’s then for breakfast, first Sale supporters in. 0915hrs waiting for the traditional Irish. “I’ll just give Buelligan a ring” “Hiya we’re in Dolan’s” “**** off" came the reply “why are you ringing so early?” More of ours drifted in, pleasantries exchanged.

Back to Jury’s to top up on sleep. Well it could be a long day and we didn’t want to be photographed asleep over a pint in the early hours did we?

11-30 back to Dolan’s and the party is beginning. Buelligan, Taffy, Tigger, Andy, Scuba, Daggers, Mr and Mrs Daggers, Cheadlender, Riggers and Mrs Riggers and others. Some were having a solid lunch others acclimatising to the Irish Guinness, others sampling the sponsor’s products. A sober Jenny Dixon appeared. Couldn’t help noticing the size of the fish in the fish and chips. More like a whale than a fish.

So as the afternoon wore on fans of both teams arrived in larger numbers, although we comfortably outnumbered them. The little boy ignored my advice not to have the whale and chips and couldn’t finish it, and the TV crews arrived. First it was RTE and then Will from channel M.

Oh what fun to see Daggers trying to avoid the camera crew. Turning her back and hiding her head with her hands. Obviously having a blond moment as her name is in big letters on the back of her shirt!

I’m minding my own business watching tigger performing like a seasoned pro in front of the camera when a bright light appears in my eyes, I can’t see a thing and I can hear a voice to my right. Have I had my last pint? Is it my last day on earth? Did my driver bring his tape measure? No it’s the pesky TV camera in my face and Will asking me about our chances in the match. Hopefully another one for the cutting room floor.

So its 5 o’clock and there are more bars to visit on the way to the ground. Driver suggests Tom and Jerry’s then Clohessey’s and then Thomond Park. Sounded like a plan so we left Dolan’s and went to Luigi Malones for something to eat. Lots of Munster fans in there, ones next to us really friendly and chatty. So from there to Clohessey’s and then the walk up to Thomond Park.

We had received invitations to the newly opened supporters bar but couldn’t get in as it was full.(When did full ever apply to Thomond Park?)  So it had to be a few beers from the rugby club bar.

When it was over …………..a flag exchanged with an attractive young lady, a Sharks cap for a beanie hat in Munster colours – with the logo Mallow 10. Who or what is “Mallow 10”? Then it was back to Dolan’s – Free Beer for the Sale supporters. Well my first pint was free because the advance party got to the bar as we walked in. The bar was rammed. Lots of red and blue shirts all happily intermingling. On the “upper level” was a folk group trying to make themselves heard above the din – and they had amplifiers. They, and their fans, were all wearing green tee shirts with a logo and a statement on it but I couldn’t make out what it said. I was trying not to stare at the chest of the lady next to me. Well she was about 75 and I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea or damage my street cred.

The general movement of people was through the smoking area and into the warehouse. This was better less crowded, cooler, quieter and a large bar. Then the music started.

Free Beer were fantastic. Playing lots of traditional Irish music with a modern twist. They invited singers from the floor to join them. Some brave man wearing a Munster shirt got on stage and sang something. Then the band asked for someone from Sale to join them. Taffy was volunteered but didn’t go, so no Delilah. The band misheard his name and through the evening were calling for “Geoffrey” and later “Tufty”. Then a girl called Sarah wearing a Munster a shirt got on stage and started singing with the band. She was so good that the band stopped playing and the room was hushed just to listen to her fantastic voice. Then some bloke wearing a Sale shirt got on stage and sang “American Pie” – where is Simon Cowell when you need him?

No idea what time Dolan’s closed – I wasn’t wearing a watch  - but next stop Clohessey’s.
Don’t think I was in there too long before heading for Jury’s and bed.

Was awoken by the sounds of the driver doing his ablutions. It was still dark in the room. Peeked out of the curtains, it was gloomy and a bit misty outside. Looked at my watch it was 10-45. So, slowly we got out of bed and packed up. Checked out and went to Clohessey’s for breakfast. Boy was it windy out there and I mean meteorological wind. Irish Sea in this weather? No problem Ulysses has got stabilizers!

“I’ll just give Buelligan a ring”  “**** off. Why are you ringing me this early again?” “Because its 11-45 and you have to check out by 12-00 or you’ll be charged for another night” “Oh ****”.

So goodbyes were said to Buelligan, Tigger, Shouting Shark, the bloke who spills the tomato sauce and the girl wearing glasses. Spot of retail therapy on O’Connell Street and then Dublin here we come.

Uneventful journey to Dublin. Got there to find the ferry terminal deserted. Liverpool Dublin ferries cancelled, Liverpool Isle of Man also. We weren’t worried – we were on the Ulysses and it had stabilizers. (We also had text messages from back home saying that according to teletext it had left Holyhead half an hour early). We were in plenty of time so decided to go into the city. Drove past the O2 arena and parked up on Custom Quay and walked into the nearest pub with a TV and serving food. Wasps vs. Leinster, a pint, Lasagne and chips and a slice of Baileys cheesecake.

Walked back to the car – boy was it windy – and drove to the ferry. Statto told me the Ulysses has parking for 1300 cars and 3 miles of decking for them to park on. We were one of 23 cars. Found a spot in the bar near the TV. Captain’s welcome announcement was Force 7 South West winds and a bit of swell but we’ll use our stabilizers. So they did, we watched the football whilst supporting the sponsor. We never felt a thing and hardly saw anyone.

Back on dry land at Holyhead at Midnight – though it was anything but, that storm in Limerick had made its way over to Wales.

News from the Stanstead mob – they’re on the M6 – Could be a “Top Gear” type challenge from Ireland to Stockport by boat and plane first one in Stockport’s the winner. Drat we’re in mad mullah of the traffic taliban land. Sure enough we were still in the land of song when the call came – “we’re in Stockport”. Ah well at least we can stop for a pee now.

So at 2-30 am on Sunday morning it came to an end. 51 ½ hours after it started, several euros lighter, several pounds heavier, acquaintances made and renewed. Back to work on the Monday. A colleague talking in the office couldn’t understand how the FR149 to Shannon on the Friday night had 189 booked but only 100 turned up – if only he knew!!

To my drivers, fellow Sharks supporters and Munster fans – thanks for breaking me in gently!!


p.s. There was a game of rugby – but that’s another story.
 

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