ProntaShark

aka: Tony Selman

Star sign: The Monkey Wrench

Favourite fastening: Velcro

Hobbies: Mud wrestling; sitting down

Biography:

Tony was born into a well-to-do family - a fact that can be deduced by his being the only editor currently ensconced in the Vernon stand, where he can be found at most games being pursued by sue_b trying to get her flask of mulled wine back. As a boy, Tony loved the sea and spent 30 years in the Merchant Navy - a career hampered only slightly by chronic sea-sickness. Tony's former crew-mates still talk fondly of the spectacular distance record he set during a particularly nasty squall off the Azores in 1983. Nowadays, Tony leads a sedentary life of quiet contemplation, rousing himself only to offer the referee of the day his sage advice.

Major Bloodnok

aka: Graham Douglas

Star sign: The Boring Group of Faint Stars

Favourite strings: La Bella Super Steps

Hobbies: Muttering; loud shirts

Biography:

Bloodnok was born into a military family: his mother was chief bromide operative at Aldershot NAAFI and his father was a serial deserter from battlefields across Europe. After a childhood, Bloodnok inevitably joined the army in the catering corps, where his extreme cowardice was less of a hindrance. His inability to cook and his general incompetence was somewhat more problematic, though. He rose to the rank of Major by lying about his height before being discharged following an incident involving the head cook and a strawberry blancmange. Can now be found wandering around Edgeley Park quoting Monty Python sketches to anyone who'll listen.

CheadleEnder

aka: Anne Blakeney

Star sign: The Hockey Stick

Favourite road sign: "Low Bridge"

Hobbies: Macrame; bog snorkeling

Biography:

Seven years as a student and twenty-one years a teacher at St. Trinian's Finishing School for Young Gentle Ladies has left Anne well equipped to appreciate the finer aspects of the game of rugby. She can often be heard offering advice such as "Go on, rip his arm off", "Ah, pop it back in and get on with it, you big Jessie" and "My gels could tackle harder than that". When not watching rugby, Anne spends much of her time practicing for next year's extreme ironing championships.

Hobbledehoy's Dad

aka: Peter Ding

Star sign: The Bent Bugle

Favourite Rodent: Capybara

Hobbies: Shark wrestling

Biography:

Peter has never been young. He came into the world fully-formed and has remained unchanged for the last 500 years. Yes, he is, in fact, an immortal. Only this fact can adequately explain his astonishing capacity for surviving life-threatening situations and prodigious quantities of alcohol. Peter has had many jobs during his lifetime: he carried Stanley's bags during the search for Livingstone; he was chief bellows operative for the Montgolfier brothers and was an apple-picker in Isaac Newton's orchard. These days, when not watching rugby, he spends most of his free time arranging his toe-nail collection by size and shape. He has never been known to refuse the offer of a free pint.