Major Bloodnok

aka: Graham Douglas

Star sign: The Boring Group of Faint Stars

Favourite strings: La Bella Super Steps

Hobbies: Muttering; loud shirts

Biography:

Bloodnok was born into a military family: his mother was chief bromide operative at Aldershot NAAFI and his father was a serial deserter from battlefields across Europe. After a childhood, Bloodnok inevitably joined the army in the catering corps, where his extreme cowardice was less of a hindrance. His inability to cook and his general incompetence was somewhat more problematic, though. He rose to the rank of Major by lying about his height before being discharged following an incident involving the head cook and a strawberry blancmange. Can now be found wandering around Edgeley Park quoting Monty Python sketches to anyone who'll listen.

CheadleEnder

aka: Anne Blakeney

Star sign: The Hockey Stick

Favourite road sign: "Low Bridge"

Hobbies: Macrame; bog snorkeling

Biography:

Seven years as a student and twenty-one years a teacher at St. Trinian's Finishing School for Young Gentle Ladies has left Anne well equipped to appreciate the finer aspects of the game of rugby. She can often be heard offering advice such as "Go on, rip his arm off", "Ah, pop it back in and get on with it, you big Jessie" and "My gels could tackle harder than that". When not watching rugby, Anne spends much of her time practicing for next year's extreme ironing championships.