This reporter had glorious plans of making extensive notes to help with this report but moments before kick off a pint appeared, holding a pint and writing is nigh on impossible so the pint won and it is down to memory that the report goes, not that in all honesty there is much to say, the game started off with a series of kicks as the teams got used to the new way of playing rugby.

It didn’t take long for the scoreboard to start moving albeit in the direction of the Wasps with Staunton lining up for the first of many penalties within the third minute. His kick was accurate, the touch judges hoisted their flags and it was 3-0 to the Wasps.

The restart was good and it seemed that this was just a slight hitch before the team we’d expect started playing, the forwards seemed to get some good ball but there were a host of errors costing the team possession or forcing the ball to be kicked any number of times, giving an indication of what we may expect in coming matches. It may be due to the ELVs or just something that Mr Barnes skipped over in his training but the was no noticeable advantage being played, instead penalties were being awarded almost on a whim. Ultimately bring the score to 6 all before anything actually interesting happened.

And then the team woke up, everyone, the fans, the team, the Wasps were being drawn in to a false sense of security, after the usual scuffle the anticipated turn over failed to appear and Mauger some how slipped through the dozing defence before passing the ball to Johne, who proceeded to celebrate his 50th appearance with a long overdue try, Flood did his duties and successfully converted.

At long last Tigers were in the lead, all the team now needed to do was push forward, a few more penalties, a try or two and they could pull away and dominate the game. That should have been the plan. However the game resumed it’s metronomic pattern of kicking back and forth and fans left wondering if they were still at a rugby game or some extreme tennis match. By this point the scrum had already become somewhat of a formality with Barnes being reluctant to go through the motions of resetting them, instead allowing the now predictable option of kicking.

After a rather dismal first half the whistle went and the players trooped off for half time, not that anyone noticed any real chance of pace on the pitch, regardless of this the scoreboard was showing that Tigers were up 13-6 at half time and just about in control of the game.

The second half picked up where the first half left off with yet more exchanges between the kickers and before we knew it both teams had added another 3 points to their tally. It was clear by this point that tension was building and there was frustration at Barnes for not really taking any control of the constant infringements going on round him.

Things finally came to a head when a Wasp player (I failed to identify who) took it upon himself to use White’s head as a seat. Finally something to give the fan some value for money, 15 aside handbags, plenty of shoving and pulling but no actual violence much to the chagrin of the citing officer (S Barnes) who would no doubt have to find something else to complain about. It may well have been in the back of the players minds that there was  a mid week game looming plus the autumn internationals, which would mean both teams could ill afford to lose anyone.

After this brief interlude it was time to slow things back down and return the game to the kickers, this time however Staunton getting the edge on the penalties and a couple of drop goals. However by the 63rd minute Flood had kicked his last and it was down to Wasps to provide any form of entertainment. This was started with the removal of Banard and with Vickery not wishing to return the only option was uncontested scrums. Despite Geech later reporting that this was not a tactical move as they were in control of the scrums it was the turn of the fans to erupt in rage. Panto season was in full swing and the only real strength of the Tigers was neutralized.

With a little over ten minutes left it was the turn of the Wasps to carry the ball under the posts, with the sheer weight of Tiger bodies it looked to the fans as though the ball had been held up, this wouldn’t make for good viewing for the armchair fans so it was time to go to the TV official, the try was awarded and Wasps were moving ahead.

It wasn’t long before the exodus started and with time still on the clock the fans were showing their displeasure at the situation by ‘avoiding the rush’. Those left were put out of their misery at the blow of the final whistle and there was elation among the Wasp players and fans, despite it being a somewhat hollow victory.

The only plus side to the whole evening was the return of Chuter’s column which discusses the ELVs in terms of pure fantasy, many a true word is spoken or written in jest and this may well have been the case.