Ah yes, fat blokes, 3 days of Rugby Mud and Beer. The Band of Brothers, known in the glorious annuls of fat-blokes history as the Wobblers, arrived early, setting up a home away from home, next door to a rowdy bunch of heathens – as a result of a ‘happy accident’ we had been put next to the Gloucester Kindergarten, and they had drunk too much lemonade and had got all giddy. However, they weren’t the only culprits and the traditional Friday night tipple got underway, and as usual didn’t end up stopping until the sun was actually coming up and the participants remembered that they were due to play rugby in a couple of hours, and maybe SOME sleep could be beneficial. Which I think could only be rivaled by putting a spot of expanding foam into the Titanic, the right idea, but ultimately pointless considering the standard usually played to anyway.

As I am sure many of you have know heard, our glorious leader (Hywel) and his trusty sidekick (Baldrutz) have taken it upon themselves to instigate some awards this year, in a glamorous ceremony to be held at the Saracens Head in Los Angelis, Worcestershire. The ‘Bobs’ will celebrate all that was good in the world of Wobble.

Well, if that is the case, I don’t see why I can’t have a bash and celebrate some of the defining aspects of the tournament and the people who shaped it into what it was. In the same way that the BAFTAs precede the more glamorous Oscars, preceding the venerable 1st Annual Bob awards, I present the ‘Wobblies’™, selected by, in the best traditions of modern Britain, an idiot who has decided that he knows better than everyone else and has a right to speak on their behalf…me.

The first set of Wobblies™ go to those who made an impression on the Friday night; those who set the standard for everything we did all weekend.

The Wobbly for the Best Tent (sponsored by BAE Hangers International):

Winner – Richard Cumming (Richard and Judy) – for bringing a canvas palace (as befits a Director of Rugby), that meant that no matter how drunk the Wobbler, they would always have something to stumble toward to get home.

The Wobbly for the worst stop out (sponsored by Amy Winehouse’s party planner):

Winner – Geoff Munson (Hovermower) for services to Worcester by antagonizing Gloucester and pinching everyone else’s flags. And still being up in good time on both mornings!!!

The Trinny and Susannah Award for best dressed Wobbler:

Winner – Trevor Prout (baldski) for his yellow shorts, which in all honesty would have made Boy George a little embarrassed.

The Alka Seltzer Award:

Winner – Steve Martin for…well need you ask?

The Silly Boy Award:

Winner – Darren Birch (DnT) for forgetting that tents work best with tent polls, and that they have to be in the same place as the tent…not Kidderminster. (However, he gets an honorable mention in the Lewis Hamilton category for getting back so quick).

However, I digress! The Saturday dawned mercifully dry after many happy campers were tragically drowned trying to put up tents. Fortunately the Wobbler camp emerged without fatality, and only minor bruising and the odd carpet burn that no one can explain. The Wobblers ventured into the specialist Group 4 (The Arse Group) as last years beaten finalists. In the group also were the defending champions, the Arabian Knights (from Saracens), the hosts, the Flatulent Fairies (from London Irish), the Pasty Eaters (from Bristol), the Drunken Wasps (from London…Wasps) and the Leeds Lardies, from Lancaster….I think.

Our brave heroes started their campaign to get their trophy back against the Pasty Eaters. Their dastardly attempts to put Worcester off by feeding them Scrumpy flavored Listerine were thwarted as the Wobblers ran out comfy 42-0 winners. Poor old Bristol went on to become the groups whipping boys, but had a lot of fun along the way, and I think pretty much everyone played for them at some point. As many as 17 or 20 people entered the fray for Bristol at the same time on several occasions. All good fun! The group was keeled over in front of the Arabian Knights unfortunately, who combined power, pace and organization effectively, rendering the best efforts of everyone fairly futile. However, the rest of the group started to compete very well for the second qualification spot. The Wobblers registered a closer fought win against the Leeds Lardies to put themselves in the driving seat for the runner up spot. At this point Wobblers were in fact tied first in the group, until the Arabian Knights had their way in the next group game, and although the Wobblers put in a resolved performance, especially in the second half, it was all one way traffic really.

The next game produced one of the shocks of the group, as the Fairies overpowered the Wobblers to record victory with a spirited attacking display in the second half. However due to the results of other games, The Wobblers found themselves a win with 4 tries away from the Arse Semi final for the third consecutive year. Their opponents were the Drunken Wasps.

The game started with a tired and impatient referee asking ‘please tell me there are no songs, no drinks and we can just play rugby’. The game went downhill from there for him. After the Wasps faced the FEARSOME Humpty Dumpty Haka, the game started with a quick try for the Wobblers. But the Drunken Wasps had a trick up their sleeves. On receiving their second kick off, they took off their shirts, to reveal some fashionable light blue undershirts. In a fit of pique and desire to not get squashed by the Knights again, they had raided the Wobblers kit room, and clad in their new shirts, stand off and all-round Danny Cipriani wannabe Captain Wasp caught the restart and turned on his heel and crossed under his own post. For wardrobe reasons, the try stood. After this Captain Wasp decided he didn’t want to be a wasp, and wanted to be a Wobbler, leaving your’s truly to be a Wasp for the second year in a row. I think that it is probably no coincidence that the flood gates opened at this point, and the Wobblers poured through.

Our reward for ruining the poor referees day was a semi final against the Arabian Knights. There is no point trying to sugar coat this, it was only going to end one way. However Worcester went down fighting and put in a truly commendable performance. This was by far the best side that the Wobblers have ever put out and they can all be rightly be proud.

In addition to the Wobblers, last years stars of the show were back, the Wobblerettes. The played against Reading ladies (eventual runners up) and the London Irish ladies – The Trumping Tinkerbelles. Special thanks must go to the Gloucester lass who swallowed her pride (but refused to wear the shirt) and turned out against Reading and also to guest ringers the Marlow Mingers from the 2007 tournament. The Wobblerettes were a close knit unit, with regulars, Julia, Beth, Ang, Hazel, Maria and Jo making up the spine of the team. Organiser Marie had been sidelined with a broken foot, although, she secured a score, as the Wobblerettes came through to record their first ever win against London Irish. Special mention in this category goes to ‘Daughter of Dale’ Beth. More of which later.

So the final part of the tale of this epic adventure must be more Wobblies.

The Billy Whizz (crikey he’s going quickly) Award

Winner – Geoff Munson (again!). Whilst we all appreciate that Jack scored something like 436 tries (we stopped counting after 200), Geoff nips you to the post with the element of surprise. Seriously…he’s like a whippet, its unreal!!

The Sam Tuitupou Award for hitting pretty much anyone stupid enough to get near you no matter how big they are, even though you yourself are the size of a small woodland creature.

Winner – There are many contenders for this title…actually no there aren’t,, it’s Beth Thomas. I kid you not, never has someone so svelte and feminine brought the pain to so many on such a level!!

The Gloucester Kindergarten Award for best young player.

Winner – Jack Pomroy (Warrior Jack), not a slight at his age (he’s only still in short trousers because he’s so bloody tall), but I simply had to recognize his huge contribution to the team somewhere.

The Jolly good show old bob award for being a good sport.

Winners – Bob and Wife of Bob. For being so good humored and fun as to tolerate their real names not being used all weekend. Especially poor Wife Of Bob who didn’t even get the dignity of a name. It’s half of what the weekends all about.

The hardcore trophy – Awarded to all wobblers who play on both days of the weekend.

Winners – Jon Hart, Simon Bell (Drutz) and Jon Wollard (JonW), who incidentally opened the scoring for the Barbarians against the Bucaneers.

Unfortunately as poor cousin to the Bobs, the Wobblies™ can only afford so many awards. So until next Fat Blokes; Stay Wobbly.

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