England vs. Argentina Investec Challenge Match Review 11-11-06 

It turns out I was wrong. Apparently the spectre of a record-equalling seventh straight defeat was not enough to motivate an England side who trotted out onto the Twickenham turf on Saturday, seemingly under the impression that the shirts on their backs were only there to keep them warm. As it turned out, they would have been better served mopping up the blood, sweat and tears dripping from every Argentine pore as the Pumas came away with their first every victory at the home of English Rugby.

I would have liked to spend this entire review talking about Argentina . No, not talking about, praising Argentina without using terms like ‘surprise victory’, ‘commitment’, ‘passion’ or any of the other patronising rubbish that this excellent side has had to tolerate for far too long. Argentina were, and are, very, very good indeed. The strength of their scrum has never been in doubt, but in Juan Martin Fernandez-Lobbe and Juan Miguel Leguizamon they boast two of the most complete flankers in World Rugby; both men carried powerfully and rucked England ’s hapless back row back to the Stone Age for 80 minutes on Saturday. Agustin Pichot has hardly played a game all season, but with Felipe Contepomi, and replacement Frederico Todeschini, he oozed supreme command and authority. This side does not ‘deserve respect’, it is not to be ‘underestimated at your peril’, it is in the toughest group at the World Cup, but Argentina will make it out. How can they be denied the place in a major competition that they so crave and so deserve?

After 32 minutes, things weren’t looking so bad for England . An early Charlie Hodgson penalty had given them the lead, and Paul Sackey had just danced his way into the corner for a superb individual score. Put into space by crisp passes from Anthony Allen and Hodgson, the Wasps winger danced in and out of an impossibly small gap before straightening beautifully on Argentine full-back Juan Martin Hernandez and rounding him to touch down for the try, which was duly converted by Hodgson. But this was the high point of a half in which England had promised little. Besides one break from Allen, where the 20-year-old failed to see a wide open Ben Cohen outside him, all the pressure belonged to the visitors to whom every loose ball seemed to fall.

It was Argentina who would have been more comfortable at half-time, having cut England ’s lead to 10-9 with two late penalties from Todeschini. Indiscipline at the breakdown and a series of sloppy offsides led to penalties all over the field against Andy Robinson’s England, and as he did in open play Contepomi poked and probed his way in behind England’s defence, ably assisted by his forwards who chased and harried with a veracity of which England’s aged pack could only dream. While Hodgson missed touch time and again, Contepomi exercised exquisite control; while the home side’s back row loitered and lingered in the back line, Argentina ’s scrapped and carried like oversized pitbulls, forcing countless turnovers in addition to propagating England ’s humiliatingly high penalty count.

Ten minutes and three Todeschini points into the second half came the substitutions. Hodgson and Shaun Perry, for their lack of control or precision, made way for Toby Flood, winning his first cap, and Peter Richards while Tom Palmer replaced Danny Grewcock and Josh Lewsey displaced a limping Sackey. Immediately, Richards forced a turnover, something his forwards had failed to do in 53 minutes previously, and England made their way upfield. From a ruck near the Argentina 22, Flood stretched to take a difficult pass, and soon wished he hadn’t bothered as his ball to Allen was plucked out of the air by Todeshini, who raced under the posts unchallenged to take his side into a 19-10 lead.

On the hour mark, a break from Pat Sanderson nearly set up a try for Cohen but the winger was hauled down near the line by none other than lock Ignacio Fernandez Lobbe. What an indictment this is: one week, 20st of Carl Hayman finishes a length of the field move for New Zealand , and now a second row makes a covering tackle on a winger, while England ’s forwards lumber from place to place, time after time, with the speed of a broken down JCB. From the resulting ruck, Richard’s slow service was exposed as, lie Perry many times before him, he was sacked by the Argentine forwards, and the slow ball could only produce a penalty under the posts, which Flood converted for his first International points.

A minute later, England ’s second moment of inspiration came when Richards tapped and went quickly from a penalty before feeding Balshaw in midfield, who cut through the line before breaking left and out sprinting the defence to score in the corner. Too close to the corner, unfortunately, for Flood who snatched at the conversion that would have put England ahead. From then on, the visitors slowed the game down, utilising their big forwards and garnering two more penalties, one of them epitomising England ’s performance as Julian White was caught offside drifting back from a previous ruck at a speed barely noticeable as any sort of motion at all. What is more embarrassing is that he was beating Perry Freshwater by a full two yards. The metronomic Todeschini converted both chances to leave the final score at 25-18 to Argentina            

I feel sorry for some England fans after that game. Not for those who feel their £45 only bought them a seat from which to observe an utter humiliation; not for those who rightfully demand more from their player; certainly not for those who jeered Argentine kickers, cheered Hodgson from the field, booed at the final whistle like a group of idiot schoolchildren when they should have been applauding the victorious Argentina team as an embarrassed minority did. I feel sorry for the England fans naïve enough to believe all of Robinson’s rubbish. At no point in the last three years have England been “moving forward”; at no point have they put up a display of which to be proud in defeat; at no point has our World Cup defence been even remotely on track. 

I wore my England shirt all day on Sunday as a show of defiance to all those who have crept out of the woodwork, in the public and the press, suddenly calling for Robinson’s head after seven consecutive losses. Were they proud of six consecutive losses? Were they proud of a record defeat to New Zealand ? Were they proud of England ’s spring performances in Paris , and against Ireland ? There is nothing wrong with this England team that has not been painfully clear for any time up to three years.

Forwards littering the backline. A lack of a discernable strategy. Peculiar substitutions. A pack so immobile they would have preferred to take the team bus onto the field with them.. No protection for the scrum half. No pressure on the opposition half-backs. No quick ball. A back row that was appallingly absent at the breakdown and so terribly unbalanced – Robinson, as we have found out, would know balance if he saw a flamingo on a pommel horse. Pick one of those that wasn’t a problem at the Millennium Stadium in February 2005, I challenge each of you. You can now add to that list a complete lack of passion. As things began to slide in the second half, every English player must have known that they were effectively (if not immediately as Rob Andrew has confirmed) playing for their coach’s job, but did any of them seem to care? There is a lack of faith in Robinson’s plans that the players carry with them onto the field and it shows in the timid nature of every action the team takes.

To go over the specific problems facing the tactics and personnel of this team would take much more time than I have to spare. But I will finish by saying this: If I see Martin Corry and Julian White on the teamsheet for the South Africa Test this coming weekend, I will not be watching.

            And so it is. A record run of defeats, and a nation of rugby fans finally wakes up.

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