Lion’s v Lions (Wellington) from the NSW Rugby Club, Sydney

It’s four o’clock on a Wednesday and the regular crowd shuffles in. The early birds, two ladies resplendent in their British and Irish Lions red jerseys, each buy a pint and secure prime seating.
 
The ground floor bar at the NSW Rugby Club is not big but the rugby ambience is prodigious. Rugby jersey, flags, ties, caps and photographs adorned every piece of wall and ceiling.

By kick off a crowd of about 100 rugby tragics have assembled with accents representing the top six rugby playing nations. The big screen cuts to “go Jonny, Jonny Wilkinson” a collective groan from the Aussies in the mob as they pull that sword out of their heart, one more time.

Early in the game “go Jonny Jonny” misses a field goal attempt and a wag at the back of the room sings out “now you miss!”

After the mauling the Maori forwards gave the Lions last Saturday, Sir Clive has got the forwards powering to the clean out. The assembly howls their approval as both packs get stuck in. The Lions backs are misfiring something shocking, having to stop at the advantage line to secure the ball before deciding to run or pass, easy targets for the Wellington defence.

One of the hallmarks of the Lions play on this tour for mine has been their commitment to get the ball to the wingmen, the traditional try scorers. Alas, greed set in ten minutes before the break when Martin Corry, Lions No 8 chose to ignore an overlap and was cut down a metre out.
 
Have you ever noticed no matter where you go in the world to watch rugby that chap TIAO, always turns up? TIAO, is loud and “F and Blinds” every decision the Ref makes against the side he is following, every pass the opposition throws is forward, the players are always offside and don’t get him started on “knock ons”. And I love how TIAO disappears when everything is going his team’s way, mute.

Well, There Is Always One (TIAO) is with us here tonight and is in full flight.
With ten minutes before half time the Lions have enjoyed 87 percent of the territory but have only a meagre lead of 6 – 3. The author decides to give the Lions a helping hand and goes to the bar for a beer. Moving away from the big screen is a proven catalyst to draw out tries and works equally well with the fall of wickets during cricket Tests.
 
Big man Gethin Jenkins who has played the house down is loitering out on the wing to charge 15m to score out wide. Half time 16 – 6, and time for a wee break or a trip to the fountain of knowledge, as I like to call it, truly amazing are the things you hear in the male dunny at half time and the toilets at the NSW Rugby Club was no exception.

A Kiwi chap standing to my left delivered a pearl of wisdom “Do you know what is different about this Lions team to all the others that have toured New Zealand?” No say I and brace myself, it’s not often you meet an insightful Kiwi in the lav. “This team has only two stars, Jonny and O’Driscoll, all the other Lions teams have been full of stars.” Now as an Aussie I know what’s coming next but the poor English chap on my right has no idea. The Kiwi continues, “You need a team of stars to beat the All Blacks”. Of course, as is my heritage I politely thanked the Kiwi on behalf of the star players, which made up the Wallabies that beat the All Blacks in the semi final at the last World Cup. My English mate, however, almost broke a pipe on hearing the flatulent Maorilander's remark.
 
During the second half I make a conscious decision to take a butchers hook at the punters in the crowd. It’s a rare thing and maybe unique to British and Irish Lion’s tours Down Under. Aussies and Kiwis cheering together against Empire, usually it’s, I’ll support whoever is playing against Australia or New Zealand depending on which side of the “ditch” you’re on or from.
 
The good folk at the NSW Rugby Club at this stage serve party pies and sausage rolls, which go down a treat and give TIAO something else to do with the opening under his nose at least for a minute.

The second half is a knock-on-athon with the natives on both sides getting restless. So with the footy getting beyond a joke some useful “punter banter” is indulged. All in good humour, even TIAO turns out to be a nice chap when distracted from the big screen.

Lions run out unconvincing winners 23 to 6.

On a final note, on this particular Wednesday night it is game two of “The State of Origin, New South Wales v Queensland” northern rules rugby. By kick off the bar is close to empty…  

Until next time Andrew signing off.

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