Middlesex Sevens – Gloucester Champions in surreal kit mayhem!

A day trip to Twickenham for some fun rugby, beer, banter and meeting old friends is always to be savoured. For me this isn’t a competition to take seriously, it’s a grand day out!  I set off from Essex yesterday with rain jacket and camera in hand and wasn’t disappointed with the banter and meeting old friends – the fun rugby and beer hmmmm!  This article is going to be an alternative view of events yesterday – Gloucester were worthy champions, Newcastle, the lucky plate winners and Worcester win the award for unlucky losers.

I went with my mate Dunk – the pair of us managed to be completely confused by the lack of the South stand and the stewards seemed to be likewise confused so we walked past our allotted seats twice without realising it!  But having purchased Dunk’s first Cornish pasty, we settled down to the rugby.

 Very quickly, we had divided the pitch into zones – we had forward pass zone – area between non-existent South stand and 22 on the West stand side of the pitch; we had gift corner – step up number 14 Hilton for Worcester who showed the way by gifting the winning try to Gloucester – area in front of East stand from the 22 to the North stand try line and we had scrummage corner on the opposite side of the pitch.

We also decided that for some matches the assessment of the kit was more interesting than the appalling Sevens play – Wasps sported an Alex Ferguson special – skin tight light grey shirts with bright yellow socks. Did something go wrong with the washing machines at the Causeway?  Meanwhile, the lovely Gloucester kit was obviously inspired by that dress worn by Liz Hurley - both home and away kits had lovely stripes down the side of the shirts and shorts. Can’t see the Shedheads looking too good in that number. Finally Sale Sharks took skin tight to a new height – their white shirts looked sprayed on! Didn’t do them any good though – they were probably having problems breathing!!

 Having assessed the shirts – we decided to assess the appalling range of haircuts – my team Northampton Saints – had some horrors – Jon Clarke’s in the sun was bad, it was a nightmare in the rain.  We had the Alice band sported by a Harlequin who left the pitch injured and bless him Dan Scarborough must be looking for help with his blonde number!

I like Sevens for the slick handling, running lines and use of space – noooooooo Wasps and Tigers decided to occupy the same area of the pitch scrummaging for several minutes – what was that about?  The weather might have been poor but the handling and passing bordered on school boy level and running lines were replaced by rucking – I didn’t understand that at all!

And so to the alternative awards…drum roll….

Co-ordinated Supporter Outfits – Blackheath “Come on Club!” supporters in their lovely red Club T-Shirts

Tantrum of the Day – Tom Varndell for throwing the ball away, to receive a derisive “oooooooooooh” from the supporters.

Special award for the collective banter goes to the 20,000 supporters baiting Varndell!

Bad Haircut – Sorry Dan Scarborough you win again – oh yeah and get some socks!

Cornish Pasty Award Eating goes to Dunk who woofed two in quick succession

Naff Team Gesture of the day – Gloucester’s strange Red Indian number

Naff Kit Award – Wasps – get the washing machine sorted!

Congratulations again to Gloucester and thanks to Allan Robson for the Buy One Get One Free deal - £12.50 for a fun day out ain’t bad!

Congratulations to Gloucester

Compass Middlesex Champions 2005

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