Backers of the oldest footie club in the world realise they have taken on a pup when groundsmen blow away tell of untapped oil when they pierce the watermain with their forks

Damning evidence that the playing surface has been subjected to excess hair product drain off and exfoliating waste by those rough footie men

Blazie subtly tries to attract the moderator to a potential incident brewing outside the VAT & Fiddle

The chap in green isn't aware that Marshmonster is perfectly serious with his enquiry as to how many camels for the women

Back on hard times, Elwood wonders if Jake fancies one last  'Mission from God'

The Exiles from Orksfordshire reckon the Scurvies have witnessed A Sign

With youthful optimism they confirm the sighting

Oh....not the old coke can on its edge without any visible support gag. It'll have to do I guess

Elsewhere excitement mounts within the ranks of the pitchside bookies whose display of tick-tack reaches fever pitch

Marc Warren's body double can't resist getting into character (Danny in Hustle) as he spots a potential 'mark' amongst the punters

Tension levels rise when rival photographers clash lens'

Which encourages copycat reprisals elsewhere

Happily Martin's socks calms things down but do little to ease Jan's grip on communication technology...

..as the poor fellah misses the crucial factor which requires the message recipient to have possession of the other radio

Things aren't much better for the homesters with Notts' rather crude grasp of Bluetooth

The match begins with a brief moment of sportsmanship as Sherriff cushions Chris' fall to the ground; in an instant dispelling the bad boy image depicted in various Robin Hood adaptations

But this doesn't last long as controversy rears its head with an O rhesus moment

Mr Dalby steps in to give some detail to the directions to QMC

Which does little to appease one St Johns representitive who bays for more gore

Recently arrived from coaching some Brummie Under 7's, Sealer confides detail of his cunning plan to nobble the opposition for his former team-mates

Namely swapping Youngs' footwear for that of his younger charges

In the PA box thoughts are turning towards forwarding a CV and DVD for the rumoured soon to be vacant Wake up with Wogan slot

Attention soon turns toward some unexplained damage above the seating

Quick to point the finger Rouse tries to put the blame on...

...Bentos who's kicking has had some altitude for sure. But the accusation is thrown out as the evidence points to first half tendancy to targeting the scoreboard instead

Ice is unimpressed as Eggleshaw throws out his dummy

Which Harbourview has an unlimited supply of these days should the chap need another, along with assorted toys

Hammond does a 'Vinnie' on Tyronne much to everyones amusement

The Assessors though find the whole nut crunching routine rather tedious

 
And then it was over as a non regulation (white) towel was thrown on by the Notts Seconds

Simons joy however is short-lived as it dawns on him that in real terms his cricket payback thing puts him as far to completion as lunch on the first day at Cardiff

Gav soon clocks that when Laurie says "I want your drink" it means Now

Then, just when you think you've learnt the meaning of Hard Man, along comes Northern Pirate showing off his Ebola ravaged hands, which he passes off as nothing more than a scratch. Er Indoors simpers adoringly

Still simmering with embarrassment over the walkie-talkie boo-boo, Jan takes his frustration out on Rhys for not folding up his training top correctly

A lone County official then decides to play chicken with the coach driver. Coach won decisively

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