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Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...

No snowballs this time
By Monkey1 April 10 2008
This Sunday sees London Irish arrive at Kingston Park for a game of rugby, or perhaps not. In this preview we will take an in-depth, intelligent, analytical, serious look at the likely outcome, which could be a win, a draw, or a loss for either team.
The two teams have met many times before at Kingston Park. Some games have been very close, some have been won by a large margin. History shows that it could be a close game, possibly even a draw, or could be won by either side by a lot of points. The only consistent feature of previous encounters at Kingston Park is that the Falcons have always had a home advantage. This season the Falcons have another even greater advantage, without any doubt they have the nicest shirts.

History does show that the weather could play an important part in the game. Those with long memories, or maybe even short memories, will recall 2004 when London Irish visited Newcastle and it had been snowing. Dave Walder celebrated a try by throwing a snowball. On that occasion that was a significant event as Newcastle Falcons ended the season with victory in the Powergen Cup. This season however there is no Walder, no Powergen Cup, and possibly no snow. It could be that another snowball will mark a turning point in the fortunes of the Falcons, a good omen for the cup campaign that is all that remains of the season for Newcastle Falcons. It could be that the whole game will hinge on the weather, as too much snow will mean no game at all, or it could be sunny. One thing for certain is that there will be more weather on Sunday, and the history of these two teams shows that there has always been weather at Kingston Park when London Irish have visited.

The Teams

So not much to learn from the history, let’s look at the teams. Both are amazingly similar with 3 huge blokes up front (example shown) who have funny ears, two tall blokes behind then another 3 that don’t belong anywhere else. Behind them are half a dozen ordinary looking blokes, and right at the back, well away from the rest, a bloke who must have a body odour problem. Indeed the only thing that tells these remarkably well matched teams apart is the shirts, and Newcastle have the nicest. It promises to be a very close game then, unless of course one team scores a lot more points than the other.

The Season so far...

So what of the premiership seasons for the two clubs so far this season. Once again the similarities are remarkable, both teams having won & lost games, and neither team having achieved a draw. There is however one big difference, London Irish are higher up the premiership table than Newcastle Falcons, but looking at the statistics in more detail that is less remarkable when you realise that just about everybody is higher up the table than Newcastle Falcons. The two teams have already clashed in the premiership this season, that was in Reading which isn’t far from Newbury, both of which are close to the M4 motorway, as is Bristol, and even parts of Wales. On that occasion Newcastle Falcons lost the game as a result of scoring less points than London Irish. Looking closer at the statistics again reveals that this may not be as significant as it first appears, as Newcastle Falcons have lost all games played near the M4 this season, and the M4 is a long way from Kingston Park.

Secret Tactics - An exclusive!

Perhaps the tactics used by the two teams will be the deciding factor. Here at last we find the major difference between the two otherwise closely matched teams, as London Irish will be attempting to move the ball to one end of the pitch, and Newcastle Falcons to the other end. A source close to the hairdresser of the wife of a friend of the kit man at Kingston Park was able to let me in on a closely kept secret. He has heard that both teams intend to change tactics at half time and switch to trying to get the ball to the other end. This could be an exciting game indeed with both teams trying to outwit the other using this clever strategy.  

I tried to get soTreading the boards?me hot news from inside the London Irish camp. Eventually I managed to speak to a bloke called Lea’aetoa, but he could only give me 45 minutes on the phone and it took that long for him to tell me how to spell his name so I didn’t learn anything. I phoned Micky Ward to get the Newcastle perspective but he was at the pub. I made one last effort to prise information from inside the Newcastle camp by phoning our Director of Rugby, Steve Bates (pictured), but I was told that he was acting, presumably in a theatre somewhere.

We're all green...

So finally we look at the supporters of the two clubs. Again there are similarities as both will be wearing green on Sunday. The Oirish supporters traditionally wear green wigs & all sorts of other green things like hats & socks, and Sunday should prove no different. The Newcastle Falcons supporters will be wearing the green of envy because London Irish are at the dizzy heights of mid-table mediocrity while Newcastle Falcons languish near the bottom of the table. It could be the support that makes all the difference, London Irish not being very popular only a small number of supporters turn up for these games, Newcastle Falcons however are very popular as thousands of their supporters will turn up on Sunday.

Terrace Menace

That of course could be unfair, perhaps London Irish are indeed popular but the green wigged supporters could be just too terrified to visit Kingston Park again. None of us will ever forget the terrible carnage when they visited last season, the screams, the panic, and the headlines that swept the world. The ground staff have worked hard to rid Kingston Park of these menaces of the terraces, but occasionally one would be seen and the memories came flooding back. Well the visitors from Reading can once again feel safe. It was only Monday this week when the club was able to announce that the last nest of these blighters had been found behind one of the advertising hoardings, and the last plastic bottle top was hunted down & shot.

True Home Of The Black Stuff

Indeed the battles on the terraces could prove as interesting as the encounter on the pitch. Both sets of supporters lay a claim to Guinness as their mascot. The Oirish claim it is part of their heritage, but it is doubtful that a team that claims to be from London but is actually from Reading, and is not Irish, has any right to claim rights to the black nectar. Newcastle claim they are right to claim the right to claim Guinness as their mascot by the sheer quantity that is consumed at Kingston Park, they even paid homage to the greatness of Dublin’s finest with the mighty two-pinter, but sadly the last of these passed away last season. It is my belief that Newcastle have the greater claim, the supporters having made a pilgrimage to the home of this beautiful brew this season (evidence shown below) and the Reading lot couldn’t be bothered.

So my prediction for Sunday is that a game of rugby will be played, unless there is too much snow. The result will be a win for one team or another, unless it is a draw, or there is too much snow, and that there will be a remarkable change of tactics at half time, unless there is too much snow. There you have it, the whole game depends on snow, you read it here first.

 

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Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Mally (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:16:49:16

Monkey's latest ramblings - hope you don't the added in photos - Monkey!

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Leipziger (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:17:25:20

Great stuff Monkey!

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Clontarf (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:17:34:51

Best preview ever

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: westand (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:18:01:13

(Sm152)(Sm152)(Sm63)

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Jester (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:20:04:29

Excellent report!!! Are you sure you're not Masterscribe in disguise???

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Monkey1. (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:10:20:16:38

Thanks for posting it up Mally & the photos work a treat.
thumbs down

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Dr. B. (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:11:00:00:42

(Sm22)

Terrific stuff; I loved reading this.

Nice photo of me, the Rucks and the Slackers too!

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: ArthurT (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:11:13:35:12

Quote:
On that occasion Newcastle Falcons lost the game as a result of scoring less points than London Irish.
On that occasion Newcastle Falcons lost the game as a result of scoring fewer points than London Irish.
Quote:
This season the Falcons have another even greater advantage, without any doubt they have the nicest shirts.
This season the Falcons have another even greater advantage, without any doubt they have the nicer shirts.

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Monkey1. (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:11:14:24:52

I am so sorry Arthur, I... I don't know what came over me.

Oh the shame.

Please excuse me while, or should that be whilst, I beat myself with a flail.
(Sm154)

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: TouchLine (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:11:14:26:47

Detention.

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: Monkey1. (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:11:14:28:11

Yes sir.
(Sm67)

Re: Monkey1's Falcons v Irish Preview...
Posted by: mulledwinemarie (IP Logged)
Date: 2008:04:12:12:23:47

excellent - and not a single sw**r word........but what about the snow - what colour is it?

MWM

London Irish - and loving it...........

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