Indeed, in the last eleven seasons, only twice have the Falcons come away from darkest Watford with the spoils of victory; a memorable 19-22 win in the last death rattle breath of 2007 and a 19-24 win in 2001-2002. Other than those brief moments of glory, the Saracens have proved more than capable of putting the Falcons to the sword. One can only hope that Saracens can score 19 points this coming Sunday, as they have never beaten the Falcons when they’ve put this score on the board.

Last season saw a tremendous victory stolen from the jaws of defeat (and the only away league win of the season) courtesy of tries from Mathew Tait (sayonara), Falcon Toby Flood (auf wiedersehen) and Jamie Noon; the latter try making sure of victory after a late surge from ex-Falcon Hugh Vyvyan (gone, but not forgotten) saw the big ginger fella cross the whitewash with only five minutes left on the clock. Such was the celebration amongst the massed ranks of travelling support in the Lower Rous that your humble previewer dropped an almost-full pot of Guinness on the floor – sacrilege such as shall never again be repeated. We also beat them back home at Kingston Park in February 2008, albeit only by a slender two-point margin.

Saracens come into Sunday’s game after two on-the-trot defeats courtesy of the Hairy Queens at the London Double Header and a last-minute Desperate Dan drop goal at Edgeley Park last Friday night. All this means that there is pride at stake and all to play for in Saracens’ first ‘proper’ home game of the season, the Vicarage Road faithful (Fuzzy Wuzzies or something, I believe they call themselves) yearning for the smell of victory in their nostrils and the feel of those fecking drumsticks in their hands.

Falcons prepare for the journey south having had a miserable pre-season, losing to Western Farce and the Cardigans of Leeds and securing a win against Austin Metro. The season opener at KP saw a dire, turgid, abysmal monstrosity of a game, with those damn Albanians running out eventual winners and your hapless Raptors claiming a solitary losing bonus point. However, the Falcons are on the up, having secured a 32-22 win against the Stains of Northampton  on Sunday, courtesy of Father Buist and Novice Phillips and twenty-two points from the boot of St Jonny of Farnham.

Hopefully, we will witness a full 80 minutes of graft from the Falcons at Vicarage Road, more in keeping with the second half of the Saints game than the dismal performances of the rest of the season thus far. However, if it’s windy, both teams can forget about playing expansive, open rugby due to a combination of the damn ELVs and the cumulative effects of Richard Haughton and Jonny Wilkinson’s godawful barnets.

And yea verily, the teams:

Newcastle Falcons

Saracens’ chubby fellas in the pack will no doubt think themselves rough and tough; indeed, only a couple of years ago, the Falcons’ pack took a fearful battering from the Fezzies but we are no pushovers any more. Our pack can hold their collective heads up high and fear no molestation from other big boys.  Jack, Borthwick and Vyvyan will cause mischief in the lineout, but with Andy Long seemingly hitting a decent run of subtle lineout throwing, there should be little cause for concern with our skinny lads well able to rise and secure possession for the men wearing Cotton Traders.

Census Taker (who the Sarries fans immediately defended after Carl Hayman’s “best tighthead in the world” hype from Fletcher and Smith) will provide a decent test for 0007 but Aguero will have a torrid time of it at the hands of the Falcons Sasquatch-esque tighthead.

In the backs, the Sorries have talent in abundance, albeit some in a rather raw form: Sorrell and Powell will cause mayhem in the Falcons midfield given chance and Richard Haughton will relish the mindless kick-and-don’t-chase mentality of the Falcons backs, returning with interest any misplaced balls in the Sarries’ 22.

Our backs will have to step up a gear and the entire team will have to put in a performance at least as good as the second half against the Stains in order to come away from Vicarage Road with four points this time round, but last year no-one gave us a chance against Saracens and we came away with the victory.

Sunday’s game will see yours truly sitting alongside the mighty Kev and Smithy, Radio Newcastle’s rugby gurus, adding my two penn’orth to the banter offered up by two of the nicest blokes you could ever hope to meet. I can’t call it at the moment and you can never write the Falcons off – I just hope that we can recreate last season’s joyful win and head off home with something to sing about rather than end up drowning our sorrows and hoping for a good win against the Brizzlers the following week.

If you’re going, sing loud and sing proud – let me hear you up in the press box. If not, tune in to Radio Newcastle or follow on t’interweb thingy and listen out for the travelling support. We managed to silence those infernal drums last season. Let’s do the same again.

COME ON FALCONS!!

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