Northampton Saints today confirmed that Richard Cockerill will become their new Director of Rugby for the 2014/15 season, replacing Jim Mallinder who is to take up the position of England head coach for the foreseeable future.
embargoed until 00.00, Tuesday
COCKERILL TO BE NEW NORTHAMPTON SAINTS COACH
Northampton Saints today confirmed that Richard Cockerill will become their new Director of Rugby for the 2014/15 season, replacing Jim Mallinder who is to take up the position of England head coach for the forseeable future.
Speaking at a closed press conference on Monday evening, Saints' chairman, Tony Hewitt said: "With Jim moving on to the England job, we are delighted that Dick is joining us next season. We can't think of a better person to fill Jim's boots even if the boots are a little squishy following an unfortunate incident with a stripy mongrel invading the home dressing room sometime prior to last weekend's game.
Upon the announcement of his new role, Mr Cockerill said: "I'm really looking forward to getting to grips with quality players for the first time in a quite a while. It's all very well working with journeymen who can occasionally play above their pay-scale but now I'll be endlessly shouting at first-class units. And I've had enough of being known as Cockers. It's all a bit cricket, isn't it? You know, Aggers, Johnners, Blowers - it's all a bit naff. Just call me The Cock and be done with it."
Mr Hewitt went on to ask The Cock if he would be bringing any players with him over the summer but Dick replied in the negative. However, he did say, "we do have a cute physio called Wendy in the back-room staff - I think she may be one I'll bring with me".
When asked for a response to this surprise decision, the ComeOnYouSaints.com designated spokesman, Mr Eifion Jones said: "Well, he's no Dai Young or Phil Davies but if we can't secure the services of Dai Bando of Llaruggub WRFC, then I suppose he'll have to do".
Following this managerial merry-go-round, Mr Stuart Lancaster is expected to take up the role of Leicester Tigers DOR in the summer. Regular LeicesterTigers.com contributor, Wils, was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.
Amazed that this story hasnt broken nationally yet.. Not sure how i feel, good for England i guess. The Cock will no doubt impose himself on the team which is not a bad thing. Sad loss for Leicester.
Nope it will never do! We want the foul languaged, frothy mouthed, temple vein bursting Cockers not the apologetic agreeable shrinking violet he's been of late.
A later announcement says that Dylan has resigned the Captaincy and has gone into a monastery with Tom Youngs.They were both last seen walking up the Welford Road holding hands and skipping together
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2014:04:01:18:41:50 by bartonman.
Thank you for your kind words, good people, it's really appreciated - I'd had the idea in my head for most of yesterday but didn't start scribbling until about 11.15pm hence it's a bit rough and ready but as it's just a bit of fun I think can be forgiven...
"It's not the despair, Saints, I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand."
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