Quite possibly the most amusing thing I've ever heard happened after watching the Argentina vs. Australia game that opened the 2003 Rugby World Cup, a game shown live in my local on the big screen. The pub couldn't pick up ITV so we watched the game on Y Clwb Rygbi on S4C.

After the game Planed Plant, a Welsh language children's TV show came on, no one took it off of the big screen and the bemused people at the next table couldn't figure out which language was blaring out of the speakers. Eventually the head of the table explained that it was in fact "Australian – a dialect of English," leaving me to believe that the Moscow branch of Urdd is not doing enough to promote yr hen iaith over here.

I first came to Moscow in spring 2003, it was a decision taken at short notice. Working as a journalist in Soviet scrabble players' favourite CIS state, Kyrgyzstan, I had penned an article which might have suggested, if it were to be read in a certain way, that the Defence Minister might enjoy certain intimate relations with members of other species which bleat. Holding a long and deep-seated attachment to my legs I took some advice and left the country. You can only fly to two cities direct from Bishkek International and, feeling a yen for the faceless East European council housing of the Eastern District and Wellingborough, I chose Moscow over London.

I arrived shortly before arguably the biggest Russian holiday of the year, May 9^th - Victory Day, when Moscow gets decked out in flowers and flags, the Union Jack and the Stars and Stripes proudly joining the Hammer and Sickle. The French Tricolor never seems to get flown though, for some reason? The French were, however, present at the forty-thousand-seat Luzhniki Stadium, where teams representing the Yalta three, Russia, the U.S. and Great Britain, were playing in a tournament to mark the day. The sport? The oh-so-Russian game of Rugby League…

All I know about Russia and Rugby League is that their team, all but a handful of whom I believe were –oviches and –ovskis born abroad to Russian émigrés, appeared at the World Cup in 2000 and managed to break the double-digit-only scoreboard playing against Australia at Hull's Boulevard ground by conceding 110 points.

There was a great atmosphere at the tournament, although playing in such a large stadium made fans look as sparse as hair on Chris Budgen's head. Russia played well and put 50 on the U.S., which went down rather well, and the stadium was soon ringing to Russian sports fans' favourite cheer of ROH-SEE-YA! ROH-SEE-YA! Clocking in at three whole syllables not one the Shed are going to master easily…

Meanwhile, in the other game, a French side featuring five professionals edged the GB amateur team by two points and were, not unreasonably, fancied to take the home side apart in the final. However, with only a handful of minutes left on the clock, France were still only two points to the good, when a Russian player broke away with only one defender to beat…

...who duly did a classic Rugby League tackle on him - he clotheslined him with a straight-arm to the neck. A massive fight ensued, which resembled an ice hockey free-for-all, and two Frenchies got knocked out. The Russians didn't steal the upset win, but this finale seemed more than acceptable to them. Russia ochin silnii (very strong) as my neighbour explained to me.

The popularity of Rugby League in Russia is a little exaggerated in what RL media I've come across, I guess as Russia became only the 11^th nation to be registered internationally and a lot is made of anything which might convince our northern brethren that their code is 'international'.

Not so much noise seems to be made about Rugby Union's growing popularity in the land of vodka and gherkins, but Russia does actually have some history with Union, with rugby folklore legend Prince Alexander Obolensky, a Czarist officer who fled Lenin and Leon and ended up playing for Leicester and England, scoring two tries in his debut against New Zealand, before being killed whilst serving with the RAF in WWII before Russia saw fit to join.

The next time Russia was to gain any fame with regards to Rugby Union was in the qualifying stages for the 2003 World Cup, when the Spanish Rugby Union complained that three players, bearing the typically Russian sounding names of Johan Hendriks, Reiner Volshenck and Werner Pieterse, three South African front rowers, did not actually have the Russian grandmothers the Russian Rugby Union was claiming they did. The IRB investigated and found their supporting documents to be what the West sees Vladimir Putin's assertion of rising standards of democracy to be, namely "dubious at best".

The IRB took the perfectly reasonable stance of throwing them out of the tournament, an action with plenty of precedent when one thinks of how the Welsh were treated after commiting a rather similar offence. No, hang on, they didn't get thrown out… Anyway, with typical regard to third-tier developing rugby unions the IRB also saw fit to fine the RUR 25,000GBP per player, completely financially crippling what Dublin had only months before described as their most promising union. Well done boys…

It wasn't a total loss for the Russians, had they come through their play-off against Tunisia, they would've faced the U.S. for the final repechage place in Australia. Russians love conspiracy theories almost as much as they love queuing for non-existent loaves of bread and correcting Westerners' pronunciation of Sharapova and Kournikova. It was clear to all Russia, that the IRB had thrown them out purely to advance their commercial interest that would be gained by pushing rugby in their darling child of America into another world cup.

Before being ejected from the competition, Russia had played Ireland in a qualifying game in which they competed well before eventually losing out 35-3. A full-strength Ireland as well, and with a score a lot less lop-sided a score than often seen between rugby's haves and have-nots.

The game was played in the rugby hotbed of Krasnoyarsk, a town in the middle of Siberia, 4402km and a 58 hour train odyssey from Moscow. In short, the type of place writers who didn’t bite their tongues in Stalinist times might have been exiled to. It has become the capital of Russian rugby and the town supplies two teams to the newly semi-professional Russian league. Their purpose built stadium holds over 6,000 and is regularly packed. Of the other four, one is a Moscow based club, with another based just outside the capital in Monino. They are joined by teams from the Siberian outposts of Penza and Novokuznetsk, with the two leagues below being comprised mainly of teams from Moscow and teams from Rostov-on-Don.

Full-time English referee Rob Debney recently took charge of a premier league game in Krasnoyarsk and was quoted on Planet Rugby as saying that the intensity was amazing and the standard of play was "fast and exciting, easily National One standard, with good passages of play and excellent handling. The tackling was fierce, and the rucking and mauling were of a high standard".

My team, Fili, have been around since the '60s and play at the old Olympic hockey stadium in the west of the city. It's now been changed into a purpose built rugby stadium and hosts a fair few international events. In July we were treated to the final leg of the European FIRA 7s Tour, won by an extremely impressive Portugal. The Portuguese edged Russia 28-26 in the final. Russia played some great stuff throughout the tournament including wins over Georgia, a niling of Italy and a 33-7 hammering of the French with some cracking tries.

The stadium itself holds about 2,000 and is often pretty full. Unusually for a Russian sports venue alcohol is not banned in the stadium, which probably plays a role in the reaction of fans to decisions found less than favourable, but they're generally a pretty good lot and extremely knowledgeable. I normally sit with some players from the 60s, and yes, they wear headgear like the legendary ushanka I believe Old Pete has made a Gardens tradition. Those shapki might make good scrum caps too, come to think of it. The 'clubhouse' is basically an old Soviet dom sport and comes complete with surly chequered-apron wearing babushki who look like they'd pack down pretty well in the front row. Actually, coming to think of it Russia could have an abundance of props, the average gypsy taxi driver often having a neck which makes Graham Rowntree's look giraffine in comparison.

Apparently Irish and Welsh miners first introduced the game to Russia whilst looking to find Communist utopia by working in the Donetsk coal mines in early revolutionary times, with the Soviet Rugby Union duly being formed in 1936 and probably given some übernewspeak moniker such as SovGorRugFed or the like. Showing an aversion to work typical of the Russian service industry, clicking the RUR website's "switch to English" button does absolutely nothing, so I can't tell you much more about it other than that the Soviet Rugby Union's main claim to fame was a big push to get Union included in the 1980 Moscow Olympics. Who'd have thunk it? If your Russian is better than mine, roughly comparable to Gareth Thomas' proficiency in English, you might be able to make more of it than me. Oh, and apparently their most noteworthy result was a win over a Queensland XV in 1990, but that may just be as much a legend as most balalaika tales.

With the break-up of the Soviet Union came the break up of their rugby union, principally spearheaded by Georgia, who had formed their own rugby union in the mid-1960s in an attempt to play in international competitions rather than in the Soviet Union's internal championship. Of course the Lelos now play with Russia in the FIRA-AER tournament – basically the 6 Nations 'B'. Looking at that tournament it's only Portugal who aren't a former Eastern Bloc country, maybe a sign of how a shift East in the development of the game? Rugby has become Georgia's national sport and Kazakhstan are doing amazing things in the Asian qualifying section. Russia currently sit in fifth place, only losing by 2 points to top-of-the-table Portugal, and who knows if they get the registration side of things sorted out, could even be an outside bet to qualify for France 2007. Though I guess just beating the Georgians would be enough. Well it is for the Moscow police at least…

Russians really like the physical aspect of the game and selling rugby as some sort of summer equivalent to ice hockey could see the popularity of the game flourish. The terrestrial sports channel has just started broadcasting premier league games and the results have started to figure in the sports news of the main channels, which can only be a good thing for the development of the game here, though the rising stars such as fly-half Aleksandr Kazantsev and hooker and national captain Roman Romak may have some way to go before their names are considered household.

There is a fair chance that rugby may take off here and, unusually for a country with
little engrained history in the game, the rugby scene here isn't primarily for ex-pats on a jolly, something which I found really stifled the development of the game in other developing nations, principally when I worked with the German "older than the French" Rugby Union for example.

Moscow's ex-pat team, the Dragons, don't play in the Russian league system, which removes the 'expensive foreign import' problem from domestic rugby. They were also the reason why ex-Saint Martin Bayfield was in town over the weekend helping to give me the most disgusting absinthe-fuelled hangover I've ever experienced. Teams from Prague, Vienna, Budapest, St. Petersburg joined Moscow for the Capital's Cup, an annual competition which rotates around Eastern Europe. Moscow beat St. Petersburg, impressively not fielding a single Frenchman, 22-0 in the final.

Bizarrely, I seem to be able to get to see much more rugby in Moscow than I ever did way-back-when when I used to live in the Rose of the Shires. My local here is the only bar I've ever been in where rugby takes precedence over football. It was very heartening to see last year's Chelsea - Newcastle game taken off of the big screen to make way for Stade - Ulster at the behest of some Russian rugby fans. There's normally a sizable crowd for any rugby shown. Sadly, Russians have a natural inclination to support whichever team is more likely to win, so the Saints Supporters Club's Moscow Chapter is only forming slowly, though that said they do appease me when we're on TV, and maybe it's the language barrier, but they only seem slightly more bemused by a lot of Stuart Barnes' Saints slagging than me.

Finally, as an unpolished rough diamond the Saints might look to poach from the land of the bear, that Vladimir Vladimirovich looks like he'd make a mean scrum-half, I mean look at way he leaves the opposition floundering. Or at least rotting in a cell whilst being championed by the western press as persecuted champions of democracy.

Hmm, writing that on the work computer could just about guarantee me the sack,  better add the amendment that V.V. Putin is a great, great man. And quite probably a Saints supporter too…

. Saint in Moscow – Update

Re: The Milton Keynes Bus Station thread way below, here's the requested update....



October 23, 2005


Russia 18 NSW Waratahs 47


The predicted snow hadn't fallen and, in fact, not a single cloud had seen fit to blot the pristine cerulean sky blanketing Muscovy early on Saturday afternoon. It was one of those perfect rugby afternoons; a fainéant sun sat somberly low, its lethargic xanthic effulgence warming the air just enough to stop breath condensing in front of you; a precocious hibernal wind blew mellifluously, tickling the last valetudinarian leaves from their branches and a boisterous crowd, yclad in various red, white and blue paraphernalia filed down Filkulturnii Proezd towards Moscow's rugby stadium.

I'd turned up expecting to see "the biggest game in Moscow for 15 years" as the Russian national side were due to play Super 12 runners-up the New South Wales Waratahs, but imagine my disappointment as the commentator announced over the loud speaker that Russia were in fact playing the 'Veritas", which I thought was some hatemongering British political party. Still, I'd pay good money to see old orange face on rugby field…

As it was I didn't have to, entrance was free and the stadium was packed. And I mean packed. This was quite surprising seeing as the Russian Rugby Union had seemingly wanted to keep this game an arcanum; it took my several hours of googletime, plus the skills of a friend fluent in Russian to find out where and when exactly it was to take place. Despite cloaking the game's location in umbra it was a sell-out (if it's possible to sell out when it's free entrance?) and many more were standing around the pitch and looking through the fence. Estimates suggest 4000+ fans, meaning more fans than see out the 80 minutes at Kingsholm when Gloucester are losing... The atmosphere was, in short, fantastic and even TV had shown up to broadcast the game to an estimated 30 million (sic) people worldwide.

This was to be the fourth and final game on the Waratahs East European tour, with NSW already having clocked up wins of the Romanian Barbarians (wait for them in next year's Twickenham money maker), a Romanian President's XV and the Czech Republic, who they beat 94-3. Not a good omen for Russia, as they lost 11-7 in Prague in this year's Six Nations B.

I don't think anyone in the crowd expected a Russian victory, in fact a lot of the Russians seemed to be hoping that their double-digit scoreboard would be able to cope, but I'm sure no-one expected the game to start like it did. The game started with a perfectly weighted kick by the Waratahs recovered by lock Ben Hand. One phase later and strong Russian competition at the breakdown led to a turnover and the ball quickly being fed out to the wing. Several phases of play later and Russia were only making the odd metre as the NSW defence looked typically Australian and inpentrable. A series of tidy up the middle drives forwards finally moved the Russian inside the red zone before the Russian full-back ran from deep, took an inside pass and sycthed through the bewildered Australians off loading as he was tackled just she of the line to send Russia over and the crowd into raptures…

…raptures which quickly turned into chants of Sudya – Pederast! (no translation required) as he adjudged the ball had been fumbled forward in grounding. NSW gained a penalty from the resulting scrum, but then, as was to be quite a theme for the afternoon, the Russians stole the subsequent line-out ball and broke free again after an excellent scrum half break. With the Russians piling through in numbers the Waratahs were forced to slow the ball down illegally in front of the posts and after 10 minutes Russia could have felt aggrieved to have only been 3-0 up, with the Waratahs not breaking the half-way line after the kick-off.

The Waratahs then decided to keep it tight and a concerted push saw a Neil Back in the corner try after a 5m lineout. A careless pass led to an interception try from half way two minutes later and momentum was well lost. Russia were still however playing good hard well controlled rugby, keeping possession for large periods of time and running through phase after phase before conceding another long range try from a ball spilt out the side of the ruck (I could just copy and paste the London Irish match report for this couldn't I?). Again Russia didn't lose heart and after some great running in the loose by the Russian back row the ball was fed through the inside channel for Alexander Chrokin to dive in and Pavel Novikov added the extras from out wide to make to score 21-10 with only injury time to go. I'm sure I wasn't alone in thinking the lead a little more than flattering to the Australians, but at the restart the ball was again fed wide to the Russian 11, who had his other winger in support and broke down the left wing, again offloading in the tackle (or the 'Welsh Way' ™) was in evidence, only he missed his wing and found instead NSW full back and man of the match Paul Hewat who raced in unopposed under the posts, to beat Matt Burke's decade old record for most NSW points in a season.

28-10 at half time. Russia had dominated possession and was well to the good on territory, had been uncompromising at both rucks and lineouts and were generally playing their skins off.

A quick visit to the off license next door later and the teams ran back onto the pitch to the bombast of some heavy 4/4 drumbeat dancecrap. Honestly, I haven't heard this new Vangelis tune at the Gardens, but like it or not be glad of this, you don't have music played at every try, stoppage, lineout etc. And Russians haven't been able to do music since Shostakovich. Every charivari proving the old adage that just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does – the worst offended being some sort of paedopop version of we will rock you. The constant commenting by a nylon suited oaf didn't help either but still, I digress…

The Russians came out of the blocks (or rather the Soviet era changing rooms, whose toilets the public shared) firing again in the second half before suffering an early blow when their scrum-half (no team lists to name him sorry) was forced off with a head injury. I thought he was Russia's man of the match with a rather Matt Dawsonesque snipe to his play. Have to say to his replacement was rather good too despite being "the littlest man in Russian rugby" according to Mr. Nylonkecks. Good pressure amounted to nothing, the ball was turned over and hoofed almost the length of the pitch, had a horrible bounce which resulted in a You've Been Framed moment for the Russian right wing who watched it bobble up to the corner and stop, he picked it up, was completely isolated and again tried to hard, stood up in the tackle and tried to offload, gifting the ball to centre Ben Jacobs, who will never score an easier try in his life. Game over.

The Russians kept pushing mind and were encamped in between the NSW 10m and 22 for another 5 or so minutes, where they eschewed a number of kickable penalties in favour of line outs and scrums, but never looked like penetrating, before finally opting for the three points. NSW immediately answered back with the play of the day. Never once did Russia falter in broken play, but they suffered all day long trying to defend set moves and a well work series of passes from the base of a scrum tore them apart to give Jacobs his brace. There was still time for Russia to have a second try disallowed, this time for a forward pass, and like the first, an extremely narrow and in the circumstances somewhat harsh call, but a rolling maul almost effortlessly pushed the NSW pack over a minute later. This time Novikov missed from the touchline, before impressive substitute Sam Norton-Knight closed the scoring time minutes from time. Final Score 47-18.

All in all a very entertaining game of rugby, and one very promising for Russia. They conceded seven tries yes, but to one of the best 'club' teams in the world and most were 'gifted'. Knock out the interceptions and the score looks very different – something they can work on. Russia were solid at the set peace though couldn't defend pre-planned moves were otherwise resolute in defence. The ball handling skills were a lot better than many premiership games I've seen of late and the rucking and physicality was intense throughout. This won't have been a meaningless walk in the park for the Waratahs for sure.

Russia's blindside, No.8 and scrum-half all played outstandingly and I hold firm in my earlier prediction that the future of Russian rugby remains bright. The atmosphere was fantastic and the many kids in the stadium were allowed to mingle with the players, even the subs bench during the game, and you could be looking at a new generation of players playing rugby as their first sport in 10-15 years time.

Finally, if you have an internet connection faster than mine there's a video on the Waratahs' website here if you'd like to see some of the action, though the site has just revealed that I shouldn't have been calling them NSW Waratahs but rather HSBS Waratahs. D'oh!

So, what chance the Saints booking in for a pre-season game against the Bears here next August?