By Monty Masters
July 5 2006

Back in October 2005, Saints played Bristol in the ECC. Here's how COYSDC's very own uber-hack, Monty Masters saw the game...

 

"Bish Bash Bosh by Beligerant Bristol Bullies Bewilders Budge's Brittle Boys"

 

If anyone has ever watched Brainiac they will know there is a section where a viewer asks a 'science' question and they are allowed to test the theory. After the experiment they proudly proclaim:

 

"I can do science me!"

Being a fan of the show Budge has decided to use the ECC has his own little experiment and has requested that Rugbiacs send in their questions. A Jack Yuidyot asked: "is it possible to polish a turd?"

Armed with this pungent problem, Budge instructed his forwards to play like poo and see if the backs can't win it despite only getting 0.7% possession. Well Rugbiacs the answer is here. NO, you can't polish a turd. You can however get it to shine momentarily but this is a false hope as it will quickly fade and you're left holding the sticky smelly stuff.

On the eve of halloween this really was a Friday the Thirteenth of a game. After Narbonnes result in the Fog we really needed a win but suddenly this concept became Alien to the men in Gold Black and Green. Bristol had 99.4% of the possession and 101% territory. After losing six games on the trot the Bristolians had a real treat for sore eyes as proven by the Optrex stats. Their average yards gained by rolling maul was 120 and they had 300% ball on all scrums and line outs. Not bad for a Frankenstein tight five with a combined age of 206.

The first half was a Hammer House of Horrors. Nil apiece after 20 minutes! But having the greatest backs ever known to grace these shores Saints typically scored a try from their own line to go in at half time 6-7 in the lead. Robinson, Reihana and Cohen combined to beat 20 tacklers leaving Carlos free to gallop home from three furlongs.

Unfortunately Sam the man Harding decided to make a prize Pumpkin of himself and got despatched to the bin. This Nightmare on Elm street was compounded as the Bristol forwards threw their all into the Ring. In a crazy five minutes the home supporters were able to Crow 12 unanswered points. Sam came back but the Scary Movie continued as the score ticked over to 25-7. But then just as every Saints supporter began to Scream the backs decided to give the scoreboard the Birds.

Reihana, Spencer again and then Rhodri Davies all scored tries!!! After playing like farts in collanders for 70 minutes Saints were five points behind! The whole of Bristol took in a very long breath, for them, what had been Child's Play was all of a sudden the Blair Witch Project! They could breathe easy though because the Saints were done! One last penalty saw the home side back into an eight point lead at 36-28, not even a losing bonus.

You should all rest easy though. A prediction from R. Domestos is that at this weeks thirst fifteen a Mr B. Rooney will ask Budge: "will a huge Sarfie prop give us some oomph?"

Also there is a rumour that training this week will be not for the feint hearted.

Finally news of our favourite Saints supporting octagenarian Bert Haddon. Apparently he's not at all surprised and predicts we'll stuff Sarries next week just to prove how daft we really are!

I'm off to tell Dexter to set the dogs on the early trick or treaters.

 

Toodle pip rugbiacs.

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