Northampton Saints
A Letter from my Mam
By Old Pete
December 24 2012
Some of you may remember that every once in a while through miraculous means I get a letter from my late Mam –it always arrives in plain blue Basildon bond envelope with a George VI stamp on it. Yesterday I got another one this is what it said.
Dear Son,
it is quite a while since I wrote to you but things up here have been a bit difficult lately. As you know everyone has their own heaven and us Welsh people like to have a very special Welsh heaven. It is next door to the English one but usually we don’t mind and they keep themselves to themselves which is more than can be said when they were down on earth.
Anyway somehow one of them strayed across the dyke and ended up in our welsh heaven. We didn’t mind at first and felt quite sorry for him- poor love.
But he started to cause trouble – always writing to the newspaper about English rugby – going on and on about it he did. You would think that the English had invented the game.
Any way he’s got one of those really posh English names Nigel or Clive or something like that. Do you remember Great Aunt Amanda, the one who had a lodger from Norway who drove a taxi -well she always used to say never trust a man called Nigel or was it Randolph - anyway she reckoned that they were the sort who put on a respectable face in public but always had a fancy woman in the next town.
Well, it’s got to be a real headache for us all because we are used to rugby being about Wales or at least how good Ystrydgylais 3rd team are this season. Up here Wales win every match -mind you I expect in the English heaven even England win all their games. Mind you I did hear that they have a special competition with only English teams and all the referees are English so they always win.
I wonder what happens with the Irish - they probably have two heavens though. I’m not sure about the French either because I don’t think they actually get to go to heaven.
But enough of all that – how are you? I hope that you have had the sense as you get older to realise that the sort of company you keep is not good for you. None of them are what you could call respectable. I mean to say going out to the pub every Friday – what sort of example is that. Not that I’m against the drink - but to my mind a small sherry at Christmas or at a funeral is quite enough for anyone.
Oh and another thing why are you and your friends all so obsessed with these Saracens? I remember that there was family of Saracens moved into our street years ago. They were not any trouble at all. And their washing was always clean when they put it out on the line and they never put it out on a Sunday.
Live and let live I say after all as our Clarice always says “You can’t help being born “ Whatever that means.
I see that you recently went to Cardiff - now let me tell you that it is a place where you have to be very careful. I went there once for some shopping (we had to get a special commode) and the sights that I saw would make you wonder whether the Bible story about Sodom and Gomorrah was based on that place- women and girls with skirts above their knees and I am ashamed to say even men with makeup on .
By the way have you got one of these mobile phones – Up here we had never heard of them but a man arrived here last week who had been buried with his and ever since he wonders about fiddling with it and pressing its little buttons. He even takes it into Chapel with him. Anyway he keeps complaining that he can’ t get a proper signal up here. I think it’s just a thing for looking at dirty pictures on. Sad to say that’s the only reason I can think of for grown man taking it out and playing with it all day. It’s the work of devil if you ask me.
Well son, I have got to go now or I will be late for the Sunday Observance Committee and I have got an item on the agenda about people listening to the light programme on the Sabbath. But before I go perhaps you can solve a mystery that has been puzzling everyone up here for some time.
Can you tell me who is this Milton Keynes?
Mam.
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012:12:24:11:11:11 by St Marlowe.
"Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it."
-- Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor 161-180 A.D.
What has always fascinated me about Wales and South Wales in particular is the many subtle and often not so subtle divisions and fracture lines - factor in the northern " Gogs " and it's really peculiar .Parochialism is the default position.
As my Aunt Clarice ( born and bred in Newport ) is wont to say " The trouble with people from Llanneli is that they think they are Welsh "
Happy New Year.
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