By Howlin
April 9 2007

This is the story of four brave chums who decided on the spur of the moment (All the best adventures happen on the spur of the moment) to jump in a hired car and go all the way to Geordieland in search of an elusive win. I bet you all remember the stolid pals from some of their previous adventures as the Famous Five; Five get drunk, Five get drunk again, Five go to the pub to name just three. But Jerry had to leave Timmy at home this time. Geordieland is no place for a dog.

 

NEWCASTLE FALCONS vs NORTHAMPTON SAINTS

Guinness Premiership Round 20, Sunday 8th APRIL 2007.

 

Kingston Park, Newcastle

MATCH REPORT

 

So it was on Easter Sunday our four rumbustuous allies, Spokesy, Howlin, Jerry and Shaddo set off at the crack of dawn looking forward to another thrilling adventure to hunt down the elusive win in the cold and barren wastelands of Geordieland. 

Spokesy is very much the leader of The Famous Five. A very confident and reliable boy, he can be counted on to think up a plan for getting out of a tricky situation. He is psychically strong which comes in useful. Throughout the stories, Spokesy often assumes the role of the "responsible adult" and always succeeds in winning adults over with his "very grown-up manner."

A no-nonsense type who likes straight talking, Spokesy doesn't suffer fools gladly!

An agile, cheeky action boy who just cannot resist adventure! Howlin often has a twinkle in his eyes, which could mean he has a joke to crack or is up to some mischief!

One of Howlin’s favourite pastimes is teasing Jeremy (who is around the same age as him) and is forever making Spokesy have to sort them out!

Howlin is also very reliable and brave.

At first, Jerry can seem rude and difficult, but deep-down he is kind-hearted and loyal. Once a friend, always a friend. Lively and wiry, he's a very good swimmer and can row a boat strongly. He is a real "tomboy" who insists on being treated as a boy and called by the name of Jerry (call him by his proper name, Jeremy, and chances are he won't even answer you!)

Being the youngest of the Four Shaddo is often treated as "the baby!" But he is very practical and loves everything to be neat, tidy and organised. As Spokesy often says, "he'll make a wonderful little housewife one day!" As he is very sensible and logical, he often spots solutions to problems long before the others!

Shaddo often gives the impression of being shy and timid, and would rather have a pleasant holiday on the beach than a thrilling adventure, but when one comes along he makes sure he doesn't miss a thing!

 

“What’s a win look like” asked Shaddo. “I’m not sure” said Spokesy “apparently the Saints have been looking for one all year and have found it almost impossible. Now they are going all the way to Geordieland to find one and we’re going to help by having lashings of beer and shouting really loudly”. “Oh good I like shouting loudly” shouted Howlin, loudly. “shut up or I’m going to kill you” glared Jerry. “apparently the Saints need to find a kicker first” said Shaddo. “But the Geordies are going to try and stop them finding the win. They have already found a kicker. In fact they think they have found the best kicker there is”. The four friends looked at each other and realised that this was not going to be a fun adventure after all. No dear reader this was going to be another seven hour round trip filled with frustration and despair. Unfortunately sometimes no matter how hard you try things just don’t work out as planned.

The teams were fairly evenly matched. Where we had hoped that Saints forwards might dominate and prevent their quality backs from imposing themselves, they appeared to be suffering from a Heineken hangover and did little to slow Falcons ball or speed up their own. Lewitt was, as we feared, missed badly. Somehow despite a creaky lineout and a scrum that lost against the head twice Saints had more than their fair share of possession overall. But the quality of possession was usually poor and the backs were always starting the attacks from a standing start. Whilst some reports hail the magnificent Falcons defence I am more inclined on this occasion to point to the lack of incisiveness in Saints attack. Too often we just ran straight at them and the support was too little too late.

Falcons when they did attack looked more dangerous and the more likely to score. Indeed they did score first through Flood jinking through the defence after interplay from the other backs. When Saints did eventually cross the whitewash it was with the bludgeon. Labit going over from close range much to the Saints supporters surprise as they thought (from the other end of the pitch) that White had given Falcons yet another penalty.

The difference in the end therefore, yet again, was the kicking. Wilkinson slotted three penalties to make the final score 16-7. Saints didn’t even try to convert any penalties, although to be fair, I think there were only two in kicking range and there was a wicked swirling wind. However one opportunity about eight minutes from the end looked doable. If kicked it could have gained a bonus point. So why did they go for the corner? Did they really believe they could still win? Or was it complete lack of confidence that made them eschew the possibility of three points? That after all could end up being the lost bonus point that sends the team down.

So Falcons are now safe. Conversely Saints are now looking down the barrel of a gun. Wasps beat Sarries by a solitary point and therefore will be going full throttle for fourth place when they play Saints at Adams Park next week. Can Saints get anything from that game? Well on today’s evidence it appears highly unlikely. But of course this is Saints. Last week they found the courage and skill to beat the French champions on their own soil!! So we keep hoping until relegation is a complete certainty.  Trouble is the fat lady is now fully dressed, has brushed her hair and is clearing her throat.