By The Mighty Young Joe
August 30 2002

Five-year-old Joe is back with his child's eye view. This week Joe is excited because he gets to stay up late, Saints have signed Buzz and Speedy Gonzales and he'll see Bernie soon. But first he's annoyed with Woodentop, feels sorry for Bath and has a warning for them Sharks! Confused? Who isn't? Hiya Mates it's me Joe
Well lots of fings has been happening to me since we spoked last time. I am five now. I have also been poorly. It's a bit weird. My first ever story was about all the people wiv foot in mouth and then I went and catched it. I had to have this ascustin medicine what I had to keep in my mouth and pretend it was a washing machine going round and round afore I swallowed it. It was horrible, I couldn't eat properly or nuffink. I'm ok now though.

Like the picture? Look at that big gap in my teeth. I want some more of them acuzz the tooth fairy pays good money.
Right mates let’s talk about the rugby and I see you growed ups is still arguing. Clive Woodentop wants more time wiv the players but the clubs say no Mr Woodentop you cannot have the players they are our players. Well, they should just be friends and share.
Talking of sharing I fink the unspokely ones are very greedy acuzz they are now winning made up trophies. They wonned the orange cup off Beer wrists from France. I fink they are called beer wrists acuzz they drink too much in some pub called the Fruit Pastels and Darts I hope the Saints win a cup for beating beer wrists but change it's name to ribena acuzz it's nicer than orange.
I feel very sorry for Barf. Last time I said they would play better acuzz they got a proper forward called Buzz-hard Connors from Osteralia. Then they said they couldn't have him acuzz he couldn't leave Osteralia acuzz he still had to play rugby over there. Then Saints signed Buzz-hard and he's already here. I fink someone at Barf is telling fibber tales. Anyway it's good for Saints and Buzz-hard sounds a bit like Buzz Lightyear.
Fanks a lot Sale Sharks acuzz you have a silly kick off time so I can get to stay up late on Friday. We are going to gersmudgerate you to bits acuzz we are now very very quick acuzz the tiniest man in the whole world Raspberry Ripol. Well you growed ups can fink he's called that but I reckon he's speedy Gonzales wivout his hat on. I don't know where his hat is but I fink it's rolled off acuzz I'm sure I heard Dad say he'd put some wheels on it. Anyway you sharky types are all big headed acuzz you wonned some cup for teams not good enough to play in the yourrup pea and cup and fink you are the only team what has good backs. Well fink again acuzz Big Ben plays on the wing for England and Johnny Bravo Slight-gnome is back too. You will feel very very silly after all the showing off on the messy boards.
Just fink if the Sharks get totally gesmudgerated by the Saints they will be scared to come and play at Frankly gardens acuzz Actionman won't be poorly then, Buzz-hard will be playing and we will also have Brucie Banana by then. I've given up trying to say Wavemerama, it's like when I try to say automatally...automatity...oh you know fings what do fings by themselves.
Well Dad's sorting out tickets for all four of us to come to Frankly Gardens to watch Saints against Nucastle Dickey Birds. I don't fink the baby in mummy's tummy has to pay though. I can't wait to see Bernie again and pick up my Bernie’s Gang goody bag.