By Mighty Young Joe
April 26 2002

Hiya mates! Not long until Twick and Ham but first we have got to beat them tractor boys on satdee. The rest of the zippee finks Saints are ok but they have to beat the tractors from the vest country on Satdee to prove they are flipping fantastic. Yes mates it's Smudgeration time!!!

But my holidays over now and I'm excited now though acuzz there's loads of good rugby to come. The Saints can win loads of stuff. But first I am also a bit cross with some naughty people.

First of all lets have a look at what Glosser has been up to this season. Well they are doing good. First they gersplatterated Saints at the start of the season when Andy Bowers mate Julianor or something tried to knock his head off which made tinman steele very very angry. Since then they have beaten lots of teams and are up to 2nd in the zippee. They weren't in the proper Europeen cup likw wot we were but they had to go in the uttend shield for teams that were pants the zippee year before. They might win the Europeen uttend shield but I don't fink anyone cares really well not me and dad anyway. Hairy queens the funny trousers lot wonned it last year and look how rubbish they are.

Glosser have also had a run in with the king of the bonky 'eds Squeezy from Nucastle dickey birds. He said Allakazam (the French hooker who is really a wizard, I fink he waves a wand every time that other French Mercyear bloke kicks the ball,) said naughty words to that Epi Tomy. Well the Are Eff You said "oh no he didn't" so now Allakazam wants Squeezy to say sorry. Well Allakazam I fink you've got more chance of getting a Powergen Monsters Inc cup final ticket cos even wen squeezys wr.

That brings me to my next point. My maffs is a bit rusty after the Easter holidays, I fink its all the chocolate eggs. I've still got 23 to eat! Although I fink Dad is helping me because they keep disappearing overnight, or perhaps it's magic from Alakazam. But no I fink it is Dad, he's still sulking acuzz he only got one egg. Nanny Chris bought him one and Mum some flowers. Perhaps hes sulking cos he's a treehugger and wated the flowers!!!

Anyway I was talking about my maffs. I fink my maffs is better than the are eff yous! They fink that half of 76 fowsand is 21 fowsand. It's not acuzz two times 21 fowsand is 42 fowsand that means that the are eff you have still got 33 fowsand tickets left for the powdermen monsters inc cup final. I suppose they probably sold all the others to someone else by mistake.

Dad said you can buy tickets from the RAC and they're cheaper! I told dad not to be so stupid acuzz the RAC is for cars what are brokened down, what would they be doing with tickets? Then dad said you can also buy tickets on a fing called an Ebay Orcshun (I fink it is somefink to do wiv Lord of the Rings,) and they are £72! I told the silly man that tickets only go up to £30 so who would buy a ticket for hang on, I need to work it out on my fingers, you can buy two and half tickets for £72!!! Like I said my maffs is a bit out of practice but either there's some very bad counting going on or someone somewhere is doing somefink very very naughty!!!! And why wood any people buy them fwom this places when the Oirish people have thowsands and thowsands of them at their big crack place.

Somefink else the are eff you have done is made some teams play too many games! Glosser and Oirish have to play three times in two weeks and they will get very very very tired cos they are not big toughies like the saints.. When I'm tired I get silly then I always end up getting told off for somefink stupid. I don't fink I could play rugby properly if I was tired. The referee mite have to send some oirish players to bed early but I hope not.

The sick Nayshuns has finished and it's nice to see Engerland are sharing and letting someone else win for a change. It is not nice being bullies and winning all the time so I fink you have been good boys! Well-done France for winning the Grand Slam Dunk
But I fink Engerland will win it back next year acuzz you lot have to play at Twick and Ham.

Anyway I'm glad the Sick Nayshuns is over acuzz Bruiser can come back from France, Budge, Tom, Mattie and JL can come back from Stotland, Matt, Ben and Wally can come back from Engerland and Luca can go back to Bedford from Iterlee. Also all the A team players, (dad just made a pants joke about some blokes called Hannibal, BA Barracus, Howling mad Murdoch and Face, must have been somefink on the dinosaur channel fro old people!) and the U21's, U19's and everyone playing for their countries. Then all the Saints can have a big meeting and get back to Smudgeration. Yep that's the game plan for the rest of the season, Smudgerate the tractors on Saturday, then Oirish in the cup final and just keep going to the end of the season.

It's not just the players though. All of us are part of Smudger's plan. Fowsands and fowsands of Saints people have to help with the Smudgeration. Even that Alan Robinson Crusoe, who tries to sell fings and eats lots of prawn sandwiches, is part of it. If we all work really hard then this time next year Saints will be the best rugby club in the whole wide world!!!!

See ya mates

Come on you Saints
Joe