By Mighty Young Joe
May 17 2002

Fank flip for that. Dad has finally finished doing his homework and I can get back on the puter. I haven’t wroted a story since Uncle Chris and Dad were treated like the Waps and asked to leave the old site acuzz just like Lofty Road rugby has to move for premyaship football. Oh Brother there’s a load to talk about. The Wotherrum scandal, the play offs, bye bye to Ollie Bruiser, Yourupp and to top it all they released Harry Potter on DVD.

Firstly it’s ascustin about Wotherrum. When you win somefink you should get the prize and that’s it, not get told you couldn’t have the prize acuzz we don’t like your home actually. That is what is called ascrimination and it’s very very naughty! Put it like this if Nayfun wins the best kid a school prize one year and the next year I win it. The teachers won’t turn round and say excuse me Joe we is changed the rules and only kids what live in bigger houses can win the prize and meantime Nayfun gets to keep the prize but him and his family have applied to the council acuzz they don’t even have a home anymore am I making sense or just talking nonsense like my Dad? It wouldn’t happen acuzz it’s not fair so how come them boring old farts at Twick and Ham and that bloke from unspokelyshire have done it to Wotherrum?

Is this sea sun ever going to end? I love the Saints and Bernie and all that but I need a break so that I can watch my Harry Potter DVD. What is wrong wiv having a league fingy and at the end of it saying well done and all that and then letting the players have a nice rest and a holiday. I’m sure Budge wants to get back to Disneyland to see Goofy again. There’s an old Kingsorp saying what dad says which is “all play and no rest leaves less time for eating Mars bars and ends you up wiv a load of brokened players” or somefink like that.

Ollie the Bruiser is going home to France. I fink he must also want a break in Disneyland Paris where I am going on my holidays too. Perhaps we will see Ollie there, last time we saw this old Scottish player called Gavin Beestings. I will miss Ollie acuzz he has been one of Saints top Gersmudgeraters this sea sun.

Other players are also getting good acuzz of Smudger. The bloke with my name Joe Shaw is starting to look good but there is only one Mighty Young Joe so look out I’ll be playing for the Saints when I is growed up. Then there’s Snowy Soden and Wobbie Mowwis and Desperate Dan Sandwichmond and Jimmy Brooks and Tommy Tucker what are such good players everybody has forgotted that Wally is still a young player and so is Kingsorp’s finest Ben Cohen. Fings is looking good I fink.

Then look at the players what are nearly as old as my Dad. Actionman is a ginormous playerer but he is always poorly, I hope he gets better for next sea sun acuzz I fink he could be brilliant. Jorgy is from far far away in Ozteralier and he plays rugby like that Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter acuzz he’s not scared to tackle any fink. Budge is still the Saints captain caveman but I fink my mummy talks about him too much. Add to that the old boys of Larry, Daws, Bealy and big John Leslie what went to look at Wellbad woad and I fink we are looking smudgering for next sea sun.

Hang on all the Come on you Saints dot com people are finking. Air Joe has missed somebody out. Nope I was saving Mr Andrew Hurry cane Blowers for very last acuzz I wanted to talk about him on his own. Blowers has won every major award so far this season (Chronicle and Echo, Saints Supporters Club,) and is still the leader in the Saints man of the matches. Well Mr Hurry cane Blowers here is another award; you are the Mighty Young Joe very bestest of all Smudgerater for the year two fowsand and two.
All you growed ups is right mixed up about Yourupp. I don’t blame you it is all a bit silly. Here is an idea for the boring old farts. The top six sides in the zippee play in the Yourupp pea and cup and the others get to play for Parker’s pen what he doesn’t need acuzz he’s too busy driving Lady Penelope around in that great big pink car. Anyway when Saints win the play offs they will be the number 1 English side for Yourupp. The only fing more important than winning the playoffs is winning the Yourupp pea and cup and we all know our friends the Munsters will do that.

In the play offs Saints are playing Lundun Oirish again! Revenge time I fink. This time Saints have to be as cool as the Pink Panther, as Clever as Woody, as brave as Buzz Lightyear, they need a bit of Harry Potter magic, they need the speed of shaggy and Scooby, they need to be as scary as Sully from Monsters Inc and as some old bloke called Broonie keeps saying they need a can of spinach for a bit of Popeye beat ‘em up. I hope Smudger reads all this acuzz he can put it in somefink called a game plan.

Right that’s enough from me I’m off to watch Gryffindor beat Slytherin at Quidditch for the 14th time today! See ya mates.
Come on you Saints!