By Monty Masters
March 14 2006

Continuing our Monty Masters series, here's what the Old Boy made of Saints' trip to Wuss in the Powergen Cup back in October.

"Pountney's Powder Puff Pack"

Well Mr Tremlett and all the other doubting Thomases, Barneses, Ackford's etc. Today Northampton faced the mighty eight of Worcester. A so called superpack. Too big, too strong, too technical for puny Northampton. Oh how they'll rip up their pre-prepared reports this evening!

To be fair though it was a pretty dull game. Fully contested scrums throughout, only one yellow card, respectful silence for the kicks, no steam coming from the coaches ears. If this carries on Rugby will have an attendance problem to rival association football.

The first half saw Saints make the best of a fierce cross wind. A brace from Big Ben. Kingsthope Upper School's finest ever pupil has had a bad time of late. Since Johnny Wilkinson selfishly passed to his chum Jason Robinson in the world cup final, things have gone from bad to worse for Cohen. He missed out on the Lions and now is out of the 30 man England squad. Of course he still has his fan base in Wales! Today Ben showed his true colours reverting from carthorse to very fast carthorse and shredding the Worcester backs.

In the second half, Darren Fox made way for new signing Sam Harding. As would be expected for a bought in travelling minstrel, only here to take the money and weaken Northern Hemisphere rugby, he scored with his first touch! Record books are now being scoured for the fastest ever try on debut. Harding's feat clocked in at 2.4 nano seconds.

Another Mr Fox, the referee, suffered from 'man in the middle' syndrome. After warning Worcester for excessive naughtiness, he then temporarily misplaced his pockets. He rediscovered them in the second half so he could dispatch a Saint. Let's face it they are the most dishonest team in world rugby and Soden's marching orders were not a second too soon.

The RFU are highly concerned about this 'man in the middle' syndrome and have convened a commitee and several douzen sub commitees to investigate the problem. Twickenham is anticipating a mini crisis in the form of a gin and brandy shortage over the three to four years they require to produce a first draft strategy. Mr Gammon has stated that he expects standards to improve in time for the London Olympics.

Back to the game and Worcester pulled one back through the power of their mighty pack, former Saint Tevitatatatatata Tapioca dotted down and another former Saint Shane Drahm converted. All too late though final score:

Weary Worcester Warriors 7 - Supercharged Northampton Saints 22.

A word of warning though. This was a missed chance for a bonus point. there is a strong suspicion that the opportunity for said fourth try had the mockers put on it by errant Northamptonians thinking and talking about that very subject. Saints fans everywhere be warned, your lucky pants will lose their power if you count your Chicken's before Noon goes off.

Training has obviously gone well this week. Budge and Larry have apparently discovered that practising line outs, especially on opposition ball is after all worth all the effort. This sea change in coaching methods is set to revolutionise the way Northampton play.

Finally I have received letters of concern for Mr Bert Haddon. Regular readers may recall that the St.James Octagenarian was hospitalised following Mr James Burridge of Radio Northampton's infamous 'yellow' comment when describing th Saints change strip. Bert is making a good recovery and has received a full apology about the incident and is looking foward to being out in time for the SWH4 walk. Iris Haddon is polishing his hobnails as we speak.