London Irish
How to survive in the West
By Props Are Not Stupid
September 7 2016
The day had arrived in which we finally got to see our team playing a competitive game in the Championship. There were many questions we were all asking ourselves, as it was going to be a new experience for us. Are we going to walk over all teams in this league or is it going to be quite competitive? How many people are we going to get at the games? What is the standard of rugby going to be like?
As we were getting ready to leave the house, the wife asked: What are we going to wear? It looks like a summer day, but will it be cold in the west? I was packing a hat, sunglasses and factor 50 sun cream when I realised that the sun doesn’t shine in the west, it is a cold world filled with people who sit down in silence and wait to be entertained. I was very confused by the new adventure of surviving in the dark side, so I went to Google for assistance and literally typed “How to survive in the West”. I found a full explanation in a 71-page pdf document, giving clear instructions of how to hide your identity, modern weapons, what happens when you get found out that you are really an Eastie trying to enter the West unnoticed and how to escape for safety. I read it with interest, but I was a bit puzzled by all the quotes from the Quran. I was also a bit alarmed when I had the anti-terrorist branch knocking at my front door a few minutes later asking me questions about my google searches. As I word of advice, may I suggest you don’t repeat my mistake unless you want to have your mug shot on the cover of the Daily Mail.
Going back to my wife’s original question I said. It is a nice late summer day, so t-shirts, shorts and sandals. When I got to the hotel bar and said hello to the Walthams, who are some country folk who live in remote Berkshire and long-standing West stand season ticket holders, and I asked them if shorts and flip flops were allowed in the West Stand. The answer was of course, not in a million years. Anyhow, I managed to persuade them to give me a hand with the drums as I had to bring them over from the car to the maze that is the west stand. I had already asked one of the stewards and the instructions seemed pretty clear: scan the membership card in the turnstiles of gate 3, go past reception, go on the lift and then swiftly go to GU9 where the rest of the drummers where. So we went to the first floor, then to the second floor, then up some stairs, down some stairs, then some more stairs and all we could see were butlers everywhere, who looked like they had never seen a person wearing shorts and flip flops carrying drums before and could not tell me where I could find GU9. 20 minutes later we managed to get to GU9, and eventually I found my seats, so I proceeded to swap the old busted drum skin with the new one I had purchased in Guilford on the way to the game only an hour earlier. Many thanks to the LISC for agreeing to subsidise the drum skins. Can I also use this match report to remind you that the drums are there for everyone to enjoy, so if you fancy making some noise supporting the team please make your way to GU9 and I will give you the tools required to make some noise.
The game started and only after a few minutes we had a kickable penalty. Personally, I was hoping to go for touch and try to get in the first try of many, but the instructions were simple: try to get some points as soon as possible, respect the opposition, and win ugly if required. We went for the posts, and debutant Tommy Bell was successful with the kick. He converted the following two kicks, the last of which was a fairly tricky one. “We’ve got ourselves a 100% kicker”, I said. Funnily enough, the first half ended with another Tom, in this case Tom Fowlie, who scored the first try of the 2016-17 season for London Irish.
We went into half time with a deserved lead of 14-0. The level of rugby had been just about ok. Both teams looked a bit rusty, especially Doncaster, who never looked like scoring, but were still in the game for most of it. It felt like watching Premiership rugby at half the speed sometimes.
The second half was mainly more of the same; London Irish was clearly the better team, but there was no abundance of tries, just one more from Tikoirotuma, who in my eyes was the player who provided the most entertainment in the game. Other players that I felt had a very decent game were Ofisa Treviranus, Danny Hobbs-Awoyemi and the two Bens: Franks and Cowan.
If Doncaster Knights are going to be the toughest opposition we are going to have this season I can forecast a fairly boring season, so I hope that we manage to win games in the first half and put a really good show once the games are out of reach for the opposition.
My day at the Madstad ended at the Princess Suite, listening to a very optimistic Brendan Venter and a very entertaining Ronan McManus, who can double up as a child entertainer. Ofisa Treviranus was presented the Man of the Match award.
Roll on next week, another home game against Richmond with probably a different team as rotations take place to give some game time to the full squad.
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Quote:London Irish 'til I die
Ben Cowan? I think u mean Blair lol
It might be a nickname
