By Dragons' Den
May 18 2010

Two old, crocked rugby players have for some reason decided to cycle from Land's End to John O'Groats to (a) raise money for charity, and (b) get off the sauce for a couple of weeks. This huge effort is in aid of two good causes: Weston Park Hospital Cancer Charity and Cancer Research UK. Both play for the London Welsh Occies and would appreciate your support during their 11 day journey.

Mike is a 41 year old 18 stone prop forward. For those of you unfamiliar with rugby, these are the salad-dodgers who always appear in widescreen, even on regular sets. Think Jason Leonard, Adam Jones or Stuart Barnes.

Terry is a 45 year old centre. These are the thinner, slightly gayer ones whose main function is to yell out the secret codes for complex attacking moves before dropping the ball, and occasionally fetch it out of the stingies.

Neither have ever worn white boots, fake tan, or had carnal knowledge of a member of the royal family (except for possibly Prince Phillip on tour one time, but that was all a bit hazy). Mike's idea of a balanced diet is eating your own body weight in Beef Madras while Terry was so disturbed by a pamphlet on the dangers of drinking that he gave up reading!

As an added handicap, both have only one fully working knee - they did consider a tandem with only two pedals, but the prospect of looking at Mike's @rse for 1000 Miles didn't really appeal to Terry. If this wasn't enough of a handicap, they're also both Welsh. 

Mike has been cycling for all of six months (he managed to break his wrist almost as soon as he took the stabilisers off), while Terry's mastery of his bike is such that he has absolutely no problem lighting fags downhill. 

Mike has been proud of reducing his carbon footprint by cycling to the kebab shop, while Terry swears by the isotonic qualities of Lucozade Jaegerbombs. Together they are going to grunt, toil, @#$%& and moan the full length of the UK mainland over ten days in July. Preparation has been full-on, with Mike having ridden to WH Smiths to buy the map, and Terry having intensely studied a few pics of Victoria Pendleton. 

Mike and Terry are presently a bit busy trying to find someone who sells lycra by the square metre and debating whether to have a beard-growing contest. They leave Land's End on 6th July and plan to arrive at John O'Groats on the 17th.

Oh yes - one last top tip for anyone else considering making the rugby to distance cycling crossover ... make sure you buy your Deep Heat and Sudocream in different coloured tubs.

Support Mike and Terry (Blokes with Spokes) via their Just Giving Page.