By JoeV
July 15 2005

Genius? Fool? Man with too much time on his hands? You decide. JoeV's beautiful re-working of the Gilbert and Sullivan classic for Lions coach Sir Clive Woodward had to be saved for posterity. The Modern Rugby Manager

I am the very model of a modern Rugby Manager
My Lions Squad is full of pace and animals to damage yer,
I know the Queen of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Twickenham to Wellington, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with scrummaging and lineout play
I understand the forwards, though I'm not sure what the Welsh guys say
About young Jonny Wilkinson I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about his shoulder being no excuse

With many cheerful facts about his shoulder being no excuse
With many cheerful facts about his shouler being no excuse
With many cheerful facts about the shoulder being no excuse

I'm very good at telling Kiwi press about our wing play calculous
And how young Gethin Jenkins is a being animalculous
In short, in matters scrummaging and winding up New Zealanders
I am the very model of a modern Rugby Manager

In short, in matters scrummaging and winding up New Zealanders
He is the very model of a modern Rugby Manager

I know our mythic history, of Jonno in South Africa
I answer hard acrostics, of course we'll win we've come this far
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Danny Grewcock sir
In loose play he can floor all types of big Pacific Islander

I can pick undoubted Englishmen from Wasps and even Harlequins
I know the Lions Anthem from the normal song we always sing
Well I can hum it through because I've heard the music's din afore
But I don't know the words it's all infernal nonsense, Band of Four!!

But I don't know the words it's all infernal nonsense, Band of Four!!
But I don't know the words it's all infernal nonsense, Band of Four!!
But I don't know the words it's all infernal nonsense, Band of Four!!


Then I can sign a hotel bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of our brand new stretchy uniform
In short, in matters Lionesque and beating the New Zealander
I am the very model of a modern Rugby Manager

In short, in matters Lionesque and beating the New Zealander
He is the very model of a modern Rugby Manager

In fact, when I know what's meant by a Grand Slam and mighty World Cup Win
When I can tell a Kiwi that he'll lose because his dancing's wearing way too thin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I'm growing tired of Maori's saying that we're old and fat

When I have learnt of progress being made in forward play skullduggery
When I know more of tactics than that Welsh bloke Graham Henery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Rugby Manager had never walked the earth than me

You'll say a better Rugby Manager had never walked the earth than me
You'll say a better Rugby Manager had never walked the earth than me
You'll say a better Rugby Manager had never walked the earth than me

For my Rugby Union knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
The win is everything, the flash stuff doesn't really bother me
But still, in matters Lionesque and beating of New Zealanders
I am the very model of a modern Rugby Manager

But still, in matters Lionesque and beating of New Zealanders
He is the very model of a modern Rugby Manager