By Kiwi Di
December 9 2002

Mad Max set the scene on Saturday, trying to entertain the French & make them welcome with a commentary in both French & English - not sure about the English but the French was perfect: they must have felt so at home they romped away with a 26 - 0 win.

But back to the basics that made an afternoon of rugby. Stade Francais entered the pitch to the sounds of the Can Can, what with the display of forward rolls & high knee kicks the French did not need any help with high spirits. As the Quins lads sprinted on to the pitch they seemed formidable opponents.

We had the announcement of the referee and touch judges - well we weren't his cup of tea for 78 minutes, so in those 2 minutes of the announcement he slipped from my memory.

For most of you who were there, I think it would be fair to say that we were sitting on a knife's edge for the first 20minutes - We were on the attack continuously but in Stade's defence, that was our downfall. They held up amazingly under pressure and we were unable to convert the opportunities to points. (We were so unlucky in the first 5 minutes!)

pic: Binky

Still inside Stade's 22, it could have been closer to the 5m, but unfortunately this reporter was sat in the north of the East stand and couldn't see much, but the ref had called a penalty. It seemed that Ace had been singled out, but hey Kiwi lads just hit harder than most! Anyway what ensued was a discussion, anticipation & eyes straining that the ref would forget the cards in his pockets. "Please no Yellow" was going through my mind. This time the angels smiled on Ace. Was that the 2 mins that ref was our cup of tea? It was that cold we all could have done with one.

But I digress, back to the game in hand. There was a brief moment that it looked like we were to score. It was our throw in, with a clean take by one of the locks (Bill & Jim's skull caps make it tough to say who was who) this was followed by a clean pass to Will who broke through Stade's defence, he then decided to pass wide to Nathan (a decision that would provoke bar talk later - or was that beer talk?) My notes even got carried away as I had written he was going to chip - think I had been transported back to planet Otago at that point. Unfortunately Nathan was bumped while taking the pass & the ball headed backwards, or forwards if you take Stade's view. There was good defence by Quins to get back to the ball but Stade managed a turnover, then through a controlled first & second phase with the help of Stade's number 7, Remy Martin (someone should have given him another drink) making a break for the line (at this point I can hear myself saying Nooooooooooooo, rather loudly) he was held up, but again Stade held control with Mike James scoring just to the left of the posts at 28minutes with the try converted by 10 Diego Dominguez.

pic: Simon Jones

Into the restart and Stade dropped the ball, Quins were up on the ball but to no advantage, so a scrum given - to which I notice the French boys creeping up behind the ref………..we clear the ball to Satala and then seem to give away a penalty - Stade kick to touch. While the line out continues Remy Martin leaves the field substituted by number 19 @ 32mins.

Some good play by the French, followed by a kick inside our 22 - just a shame our kick for touch was out on the full. Stade to throw in, with a nice tap by Dippy to give us possession. A high kick into centre Field and we come under pressure as Stade run the ball back at us, only to be surrounded by a group of coloured quartered jerseys. From that line out we lost, there was a scrum for a knock on by Stade, we pass well to the outside and then it all goes a bit sloppy with the ball going into touch. Our throw & cleanly taken by Bill - good driving by Quins & a penalty against Stade, - not far to the line now so Will kicks into touch. Again a good take followed by another driving maul, but was held up well by Stade's defence. A knock on is signalled by the ref, but to be honest all I can see is a heap of blokes in rugby gear.

pic: Binky

From the Stade's put in, they try to clear and the ball goes high, caught by the Jeweller, it looks like we have another chance, this time Will chips but the ball is grounded by a Stade Francais player first.

Quins again from the restart, but it is not long before the ball again finds touch - our throw in, but lost to Stade & a penalty against us? Stade kick for touch, lineout followed by some good passing & a chip to our 22 that was taken into touch. Another lineout to Stade & they look strong, but the ref decides to intervene as apparently Quins are off side. Penalty in front on the post taken by 10 Diego Dominguez and the half time hooter - 10 - 0 to Stade.

Half time was the usual, Harley's Angels, some very important birthdays and for all you quiz buffs……How many season tickets have been sold this year? If you don't know the answer maybe you were having tea with the ref!!!

Well on to the second half, this won't take long I promise!

Quins again start well with a lineout to us, running the ball wide; there are good movements but Stade charges a kick. People are still making their way back to their seats past me making it even more difficult to write, watch & be a yoyo…..Up….Down……Up ….Down. Pressure is again applied by Stade, they score! I can't tell you much as people getting back to their seats block me of a view & it's only 4 mins into the second half. The try is converted 17 - 0. (I have now decided to give up on my saying that who scores first in the second half usually wins - I still have confidence!)

Soon after another penalty against Quins - Stade to kick for points……….missed, there is a God, or was that the wind being assisted by Sam & BatQuin (more about that later).

Replacement at 9mins Laurent Gomez off, Bruce Starr on.

Scrum down, our put in, nice run by Will, followed by a knock on and we were lucky not to let Stade in for another. Pressure again on us with a lineout on the 5m, finally a white ball appears high in the sky, but out on the full. Substitution at 12mins - Luke Sheriff off, Pat Sanderson on……the girls decide to wake up! And start to yell again.

Again Quins start refreshed from a lineout, alas it was short lived. Soon after they was yet another penalty to Stade, now this is when Sam & BatQuin start huffing & puffing to blow the ball over (well it happened to another French team that the ball fell over) but they need to work on their lung capacity! 14mins into the second half and it's 20 - 0, another Dominguez boot.

OK, now I have some sympathy for the players, the flood lights are on and I am currently blinded in the East stand. So will add a couple of anecdotes…we (I won't say who) have some unusual descriptions of what goes on during a game, unfortunately I am unable to talk about our "landings" but there were several "pushy things" - well a few good mauls. Shock, horror there is a penalty to us while another Stade player takes a breather. There is again some good play by Quins but to no avail. A quote from my left is " I have no idea what is going on, but the ref is a twit" it is suggested that the person in question has a cup of tea with the ref and he might explain personally.

pic: Simon Jones

At 22mins another substitution, Bill Davison off, Karl Rudzki on.

And at 23mins this reporter throws in the towel & decides to write the rest from memory, it can't be any worse than what I am watching. I will point out that I have enjoyed the game thus far and don't think the score line reflects the effort being put in.

While Harley & Charley start to provide some entertainment, Quins up the ante as well, going forward, but again not for long. There are a couple of huddles on the pitch at the moment, may be we should have snuck a Quins player into Stade's huddle. Does anyone speak French?

At 32 mins further subs of Ace Tiatia off, Simon Miall on.

Now Jase is running backwards, but at least we still have possession. The number of times we have run the ball - it's a shame it hasn't converted to points.

Another penalty at 34mins - the girls huffing & puffing but to no avail 23 - 0.

37mins on the clock and the mass exodus again to beat the car park rush!? There is encouragement for Charley to get on the pitch to help out - but alas he can't get his leg over the barriers. With a final penalty to Stade the girls have given up huffing and puffing. BatQuin's final comment is "Knickers" - has she forgotten them?

26-0 and the final whistle.

Now on to warmth of the press office, due to hot coffee & pork rolls, they didn't look like those tasty ones that are mentioned on this board. With BatQuin to hold my hand we sat quietly thawing amid evil stares….someone would have thought this was a male's domain!

Mark Evans arrives - there will be no comment from Nick Mallet as he has left to catch the Eurostar. There is no smile on his face but that is to be expected. What I am about to recount is his version on the game, my apologies that this is not verbatim but this reporter did not have the luxuries of a Dictaphone or her Mum's ability to take shorthand.

" It was poor in parts - had our chances in the first half but didn't take them. The game was won and lost in Stade's first try, through a line break. It had been nil all for 25mins or so. Bill had to hold his line, but he cut instead, that allowed Chris Bell to be covered and from that was the turn around."

Stade actually impressed Evans, a well-disciplined team. Their lineout defence is some of the best we have come up against, lineout driving and scrumaging interesting, a good side who could possibly go all the way to winning the Cup final.

"Was it embarrassing to have a nil score in a home game?" asked one individual. Mark's reply "23-3 wouldn't have been any better."

"We have a mountain to climb next week" he commented, well we all know that mountains are there to be conquered so hopefully we can succeed!

"Rugby is a game of momentum" - I am sure it would have been different if we had found the momentum to go over that invisible line!

There was talk of Stade Francais being better than some teams in the Heineken Cup - well anyone could be better as " apparently it only takes 9 months to conceive and deliver a baby" Is our baby to be delivered in 9months' time? What will happen to the rest of this season? Just questions that can be posed later.

As a means of thanks to people that have helped me through this ordeal………

The Sunday Times - whose report was so brief it inspired me to do better! Mark Evans - for the quotes I pinched! Scotty - for the helping hand of the Video ref, but in many instances I preferred my own account! BatQuin - for literally holding my hand through out! Radar (the cat) - for trying to hinder me at every point while trying to write this, sitting on the paper, pawing the remote so the game had moved on before I had looked at it.

And finally the glass of red from Chinon, and no it wasn't donated by the Stade Francais boys to write in their favour!